Thursday, July 24, 2008

Living in the land of Comedy Central

I live in the land of Comedy Central. I really do!!! My life right now feels like that most days. That isn't bad either. My days are filled with lots of gut busting laughter and I am loving it!!!!
That isn't how I would have described my life and home several years ago. I would have said I live in the land of doom and gloom....a horrible place!!!! No I haven't moved into a luxury home. No I didn't win the lottery and have gobs of money to spend at will. No I didn't have lipo or a complete body makeover. None of these things. I still live in the little apartment that I moved into 6 years ago. I still struggle with my weight and my face is still the same. I have received pay increases that I am truly thankful and grateful for, but I still sometimes have financial issues that come along. So what has changed? Well let me tell you about the land of doom and gloom.
Doom and gloom was a place of depression and anger in my home. Horrible battles every day!!! Every day!!!! I was living wrong and parenting wrong and it really felt like my home was not a home of refuge and peace but a place of hell on earth. Seriously!!!!
Now I am not going to devulge all the nitty, gritty seedy secrets and tales of my wrong living here....that would take up waaaaayyyyy too much room here and that isn't what I want to talk about. A person's testimony is about a changed life...not just the focusing on all the things you used to do. So let me be clear....I was living a life without focus, without hope, without truth....in essence....without complete acknowledgement that God is God...and I made A LOT of very bad choices. Many people would say, "You did the best you could under the circumstances." Sure....I did try MY best in those situations...cause I wasn't let God come in and do His best....and I was falling on my face!!!! Okay....so my point is my home was full of yuck. I was one of those parents who absolutely flipped out! Screaming, crying, threatening...saying things that were vile and wrong...all because I was panicked and alone. My daughter was getting into trouble and was fighting and breaking through every boundary I set up...and that didn't take much cause I was too tired and scared to enforce that rules anyway. When you live icky...icky moves in to your home and sets up shop! Something had to change....and it had to start with me...and a little over 3 years ago...I got serious....and did a very scary thing...I asked God to change me. Not change everyone else...me! Now I had been a believer since childhood, but pretty much living my life my way and then crying to God "Help meeeeeeeeee!!! " when things didn't go MY way. Hmmmmm....that wasn't working and it only took me most of my life to figure that out....thick brained????? lol....anyway...change did come...very slowly...thank God too!! Cause if He would have just said "Okay Lorrie...ta da...all changed...the revelation of all the things I was doing that were not of His will would have freaked me out I would have probably been found rocking in a corner, foaming at the mouth and whimpering....and someone would have put me away.....no...God did it slowly...so as not to completely put me over the edge. It is hard work and I am still a work in progress. But let's not dwell on all that doom and gloom....how did it turn to comedy central????
Weeeel......as I was changing...and finding more hope, more peace and more strength....I was finding that the battles were still there...But...I had a new way to fight them. Did my daughter become a quiet, obedient child???? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not....but...as she started seeing that I wasn't backing down...I was standing my ground...and I had a great big God standing with me...things started to change. And one day I noticed that laughter had taken up residence in my home. I am talking gut busting, tears streaming down your face, my stomach hurts...make it stop LAUGHTER!!!!!!!! There isn't a day or night that doesn't go by that I haven't had a really good laugh!!! I live with a daughter who does an incredible velociraptor....it is something to see!!! Oh...she does some awesome impressions...ask her to do her tree!!!!!
I have two cats that have the most opposite of personalities...that everyday with them is a laugh.
Why has this happened...cause I learned over the last few years that I don't have to have all the answers, cause God does and I trust Him! Does that mean I never cry or fear or worry??? Whatever...I am human...I do these things....but it means that I don't lose sight of my hope. I don't go to that desperate place so much anymore....sure...moments happen that really shake my world upside down....but the desperation is fleeting...and the hope breaks through.
So...here in my comedy central life...I find myself laughing at it as it is happening. I can't even imagine the chuckles God has over this land of comedy central and me.
Yesterday I sent out an email for prayer for my son. The night before I had been talking to him about his medical concerns...and the momma bear inside me reared up and was provoked....never poke the momma bear people!!! So in my best protective momma bear stance...I ranted about the "injustices" happening to my son by the medical community!!! Something I am very very familiar with by the way!!(the medical community that is.) By the time I went to bed that night...the prayers were leaping out of this momma bear's mouth. That inspired me to send that email asking for prayer for him. By yesterday afternoon, a new medical drama was unfolding for my VERY GRACEFUL daughter Lindsey. (all my kids have the nick names grace...cause they don't have any....(not the grace like God's grace...) I am talking about them tripping over the crack in the sidewalk kind of grace....just like me!!!) Anywayyyyyyyy....by yesterday afternoon, phone calls from the church camp were reaching my home...Lindsey was going to the hospital. Possible broken hand...her right hand. EWWWW....Ouchie!!!!!!!!! Hearing her through her tears(not a normal reaction for her...when she cries when she gets hurt...I KNOW she is hurt!)....momma bear was enraged again!!!! After the first phone call...I am pretty sure if I was on exhibit at the zoo....they would have found a caged momma bear pacing too and fro in her cage...growling and roaring....( see...I make God laugh!)...soon more calls...more inaccurate information.....and I find myself pacing and growling about how I should have just gotten into the car and driven out there so I could have managed my daughter's care and told those nurses and doctors just what they need to do....(can you tell I work in medicine?!) More phone calls....and I am deciding it wasn't necessary to go...more calls and I am thinking I should have...would someone stop hitting this tennis ball!!!! Did I mention...that in all this I was praying too??? Over three hours of this ping pong game...and it is settled that Lindsey might not have a broken hand...she will stay at camp with her hand splinted, on pain meds...and I will take her to the doctor friday....and in the middle of all this...I realized I had found myself laughing at this whole episode.....and thinking about it today....I still laugh. When Lindsey engages herself...she doesn't hold back...even when it means she may get hurt....she has fallen down mountains...been run over by golf carts, taken headers off a bicycle( several times..once right in front of me and popped up right away and said..I am okay mom!!! I was mortified!), tripped over the lines on the floor of the church and broken her foot, fallen asleep sun tanning and turned crispy...oh the list goes on and on....and yet she doesn't give up...she charges ahead full steam the next time!!
The meanest, grinch in the world would never make it in our comedy central world without finding himself at least giggling a little!!!
Need a laugh...come visit us!!!!!!!!!!!!!
God is Good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All the Time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lorrie

2 comments:

Manda Renee said...

Uh, when the hell did Lindsey get run over by a golf cart???

Thank God that He's given us so much to laugh about, especially when he lets us hang out toGETHer ;)

Bat Tziyon said...

I agree!!! Oh and she was run over by a golf cart her first year at camp!!! Thank God I pray for her!!!!!