Don't check out!!!

There is an epidemic going on right now and it isn't a disease that we can go to the doctor to get better. It is a disease of the human soul...the dying of our spirits I believe. It is a disease that is destroying the hearts of God's people. It is the disease of disconnection. Shutting out the world. Going it on our own. Buying stock in self sufficiency.
I drove Linds to school this morning and we had an opportunity to talk about this. We dropped off her snowboarding equipment at the drop off point before school this morning. She goes most Friday afternoons with the Ski club to a local Ski hill and snowboards her little heart out!!! And she is good! As we were waiting for the trailer to show up to put her equipment in, our conversation some how turned to "what is wrong with people"? She is 16 and has seen more heartache and rejection in her young life than I would have ever believed possible. She is a joyous young woman and really still wants to believe in the best of people, but today she was just appalled at the way people are behaving more and more every day. Some people would say to her, "well better to face the harsh realities of how awful people are now!!", or "get used to it kid...that will be you someday!"...but I don't want her to HAVE TO DO THIS!
She sees it all day at school..people disconnected...no one caring about anyone else...only in this life to get everything they can out of others and thinking only of themselves....ME ME ME ME ME! It ticks her off. At that point I am driving by our ambulance base and she asked me how we get the ambulances out of the garages for calls when all those buses and parents block the way. "Mom...they move don't they?" Unfortunately I could say they don't always move and sometimes they are really rude and angry at us when they have to get out of the way so we can go on a call. Yep...that is the truth. In fact...when I pull in to the parking lot for work some days and the parents are all lined up in their cars either dropping off their children at the school in our building or they are picking up....they are rude to those of us who work on the ambulance. Dirty looks, refusal to move their cars, almost running us over, nearly running into the ambulances...all in a hurry to do "their thing"...and wanting us out of "their" way. That brought the enlightenment to Linds about how the public treats us "ambulance drivers" when we are out in public...or on a call...they treat us with disdain...like our soul purpose is to be in "their" way or to disrupt "their" day. Needless to say...my daughter being "my" daughter...that ticked her off.
The rest of the drive to school was a discussion about how people today only care about themselves....how they seek to do destructive things to others all in the name of doing "what is best for me!"....and what about those who make you think they are nice and that you can trust them...and then they hurt you and refuse to accept any responsibility for their own actions! Yep...all big topics of discussion this morning on her way to school. Wow ....I would have loved to just talk about something nice like what movie she watched last night or how she was liking her new jeans! Not so!!!
So after dropping her off this morning, I found myself musing over the talk we had. I recalled the coffee talk Amanda and I had yesterday...and the chats Stacy and I had last night while out shopping. All of these talks...chats...about the disconnection of people and how it is affecting the rest of us.
I used to be one of those people. When someone hurt me...I retreated into my own little world and isolated myself...all thinking.."If I just keep to myself and stay in my little world and NOT let anyone in...I will be safe...I can heal and never let anyone hurt me again!" Sound familiar??? How many of us have said or done this??? How many of still want too??? I get it...is really sucks to get hurt...to get the wind knocked out of you...to think all is good...only to have someone say "hey...don't want ya..." or "I don't like you...or I don't love you!" any of those words and a whole lot more!!! Yep...really hurts...sick to your stomach hurt!! Sometimes "the whole world collapsing around you" hurt! I am 45 years old and I have felt this on my skin more than I ever thought I would...and some of those hurts I truly didn't think I would live through...but I have!
It took all the hope and trust I could muster (and most of the time..it was pretty tiny)in God and the prayers of "I give up...please take over my life!!! I suck at managing this crappy life God...Your way has to be better than mine!".
Buying stock into self sufficiency...the thought of "I don't need anyone...I will be fine all by myself...I won't let anyone in ever again..."ect....only murders the heart and destroys our very souls!!
It is a sad existence. Let me give you a couple of examples:
Have you ever walked into some one's home and looked around their house to try and get a good impression of who they really are? Yes....we all have...just say yes!
When You walk into my house, you are instantly introduced to my children. A big picture frame hangs in my hall with lots of pictures of my kids..from various ages and stages. Walk into my bathroom and you are greeted by pictures of me and my kids...laughing, smiling and hugging!
Walk into my living room...and no matter where you look...pictures of the people in my life. All people I am in relationship with. Some pictures are old...some recent...some really funny! The colors in my house of jewel tones...ruby, purple, emerald, sapphire, deep browns...and the smells are inviting and spicy!My bedroom is lush, fragrant and deeply colored...no pastels for me...deep passion colors of red, purple, dark browns and gold. My bed says " come lay down and be loved, comforted and blessed!"
No matter where you go in my house...you see, smell and feel warmth, relationship and love.
Now think about this...you go into some one's house and it is chaos. Nothing in any of their rooms says "I have relationships with people"...no pictures of family, friends, or pets. No place in their house that says..."hey come and hang with me here"...every room in their house is filled with only "their" stuff and there are no signs of life outside of themselves...there is no place here that says there is room for you here. Doesn't sound like a warm and happy place to be does it? Just imagine if that is what you come home to every day. What if that is your house? Now understand me here...I am not a great house decorator...so this is not about "decorating" this is about living. When you discontent from people...from trusting...from hope...from relationships...from love...you become closed up and cold inside. When you "feel" this way...it hurts even worse to come home to a place where you are reminded of people, hope, relationships and love...so you get rid of everything around you that reminds you of all the ugly pain you carry inside. We all do this a little...be honest. Someone you like gives you something...then hurts you...and you get rid of what they gave you cause you think it will ease your pain. Sometimes it does...and sometimes it doesn't...most of the time it doesn't. The longer we isolate...hid from the world...refuse to trust...refuse to hope...refuse to try...refuse to make and take care of relationships...the colder our hearts become...and starker our existence is. We soon begin to hide in our houses. Put on the smile and "good show" for co workers and casual friends...but once we are out of their sight...the smile fades...the coldness of our hearts engulfs us and we hide in our houses. We hide in fear of being hurt, of being found out..and we become professional excuse makers. Do you really think that is why God created us??? Um....nooooo!!
We have choices...we can refuse to disconnect. We can take the risks...and I mean really try...not haphazardly...we can throw down all our hurts...all our dreams...all our hopes...everything...throw it all down and say..."God I can't do it all on my own....I am not You...please take the lead...take hold of me...and show me how You want me to live...how You want me to be....show me Your hope...Your love...Your relationship"....
We have to fight this disease of disconnection. It is destroying us....our families...our relationships...our friends...our hopes...our dreams ....our love.
Even when you can really say that life sucks!! Don't check out! Even when life doesn't make any sense or seems to be spinning out of control...Don't check out!!!
Check in...you have friends...you have family....you have a great big God......


Philippians 4:6-9 says
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, what ever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable---if anything excellent or praise worthy---think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heart from me or seen in me...put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.


Don't check out...surround yourself with people...with relationships...with God....
Check in to life!!!!!!

Love you all,
Lorrie

Thank you!

I just wanted to thank you all, those who posted and those who just emailed...for your support and encouragement!!! I am not done. I have not given up. I am stepping out and moving forward and my dating life is not over!! I haven't lost heart or thrown in the towel. I am not an isolator...I will not withdraw from life...not a chance!!! Life is awesome and God created us for relationship...with Him, with family and friends...and even mates! When we withdraw from life and live a solitary life...we live out of God's plan....I am saddened for those who are in that solitary life now. They think it will keep them safe but all it will do is deepen their sadness and anger and bitterness...causing them to withdraw even farther from life. We are not called to live alone. I am not alone!!!! I am loved and I love. I am in relationship ...true relationship with many...not the superficial "talking the talk but not walking the walk" kind...but the kind where you stick it out with those you love through all the rough spots and celebrate all the blessings!
Thanks again for all your words! I treasure them!
Love
Lorrie

Anger and Forgiveness

I am writing this blog tonight after I had already gone to bed, said my prayers and was ready to drift off...but here I sit! I didn't know I was angry until I let my mind relax and prepared to sleep. I am angry...and I need to write this blog as a letter...a little in first person...since I will not be given the opportunity to speak these words to the person because he will view it as aggressive confrontation . So I ask those of you reading it to just be patient with this blog. I must speak what is in my heart so I may release this and forgive. Here it is....

"I am angry with you. You lied to me several times and that has hurt me. I have never lied to you ever. I gave you every opportunity to be honest and clear with me...so there wouldn't be any misunderstandings or misrepresentations...but you chose lying instead. I am angry that you chose to speak to me often with a condescending attitude. I am angry that you would say things like "all I need is you" sarcastically to me...and admit to me you where only being sarcastic. I am hurt that you placed a very low value on my heart....that it wasn't even worthy of honesty nor was it even accepted. I am hurt that you spoke of "future" and commitment, and relationship" and then became distant and unforgiving. I am hurt that you chose passivity in this relationship...choosing not to call, not to extend your heart, not to open your life to me...yet all the while telling me you "liked me". I am hurt that you valued me so little that you couldn't even tell me we where done dating! And I am angry about that!
So I have a choice...I can stay angry at you and become bitter and harbor ill feelings towards you...or I can chose to forgive you and turn you over to God and not hang on to you anymore. I chose the latter option..even if you don't care or don't know.
I forgive you for talking commitment and companionship and not sticking it out to finish what YOU started for you where the one that started talking "future, and commitment and relationship first! I forgive you for your condescending attitude, your sarcasm (which by the way is the LOWEST FORM OF HUMOR..AND IT CAUSES INJURY TO ANOTHER PERSON)
, your unrealistic expectations of perfection for me, your refusal to forgive me when I apologized for any of my offenses, and for your lack of engagement in this dating relationship. I forgive you for lying to me when you had the opportunity to end things before Christmas. I forgive you for not calling to wish me a Merry Christmas...and I forgive you for all your excuses as to why you were too busy to call or unable to call. I forgive you for mistreating and not valuing my heart. I forgive you for not respecting me enough to apologize and change your behavior when I brought something to your attention. I forgive you for laughing off my feelings. I forgive you for not respecting me enough to say "we are done".
I am releasing myself from unforgiveness and angry towards you. I am turning over all of this to my Lord and Savior and asking Him for His healing in my life. I will not hold any ill will towards you and will pray for you. I have forgiven you but you will never be allowed back into my inner circle...for I no longer trust you.

I hope that those of you reading this will just realize that there was only one person this was written to and about ...and we are no longer dating. I am sure some would say this was inappropriate for me to send out...that it is behind his back and that isn't fair...I would never be allowed the chance to say any of these things to him. Not because I am afraid of him..because he would not ever let me say them...he would either hang up..or walk away from me. Since I write and it is good therapy for me...I wrote this. Please understand the context of why it was written...I must forgive him. I have to release this and seek God for healing. I must get out of the way. He is forgiven by me...I leave this all at the feet of Jesus....
I hope I didn't offend anyone as it wasn't my intent to do so.
Thanks for understanding and respecting my heart and my feelings.
Lorrie

Never been this way before..New territory...new country...

So 2009 has started...we are only into the 3 rd day...and I wonder at all that I will see over the next 12 months...it will be new...a new territory for me...new chapters in my life...new adventures...new challenges...new celebrations.. new relationships.. new hurts and new healings....and new wisdom.....sometimes facing new things is daunting. We do not know what tomorrow will bring...but I know the One who does. This morning I read my friend Amanda's blog.... http://toccandoilcielo.blogspot.com/ and was inspired..I loved her resolve on who she is...who she will be and who she will trust! I agree with her on the things she wrote...and I am resolved to not only support and encourage her...but to make some of her own resolutions my own...who God has brought to me much of the same insights He has brought her...the same books...the same hopes and the same reassurances....

So this morning as I read in my devotional Streams in the Desert...I am touched by the awesome reminder of who my God is...and what He will do...

January 3
I will move along slowly at the pace of the droves before me and that of the children. ( Genesis 33: 14)
What a beautiful picture of Jacob's thougthfulness for the cattle and the children! He would not allow them to be driven too hard for even one day. He would not lead them at a pace equal to what a strong man like Esau could keep or expected them to keep, but only as fast as they were able to endure. He knew exactly how far they could go in a day; and he made that his only consideration in planning their travel. He had taken the same wilderness journey years before and knew from personal experiences its roughness, heat and distance. And so he said, "I will move along slowly," "Since you have never been this way before"(Josh 3:4)We "have never been this way before," but the Lord Jesus has. It is all untraveled and unknown ground to us, but He knows it all through personal experience. He knows the steep places that take our breath away, the rocky plans that make our feet ache, the hot and shadeless stretches that bring us to exhaustion, and the rushing rivers that we have to cross---- Jesus has gone through it all before us. As John 4:6 shows, "Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down." He was battered by every possible torrent, but all the flood waters coming against Him never quenched His love. Jesus was made a perfect leader by the things He suffered. " HE knows ow we are formed, he remembers that we are dust."( Ps. 103:14) Think of that when you are tempted to question the gentleness of His leading. He remembers all the time and will never make you take even one step beyond what your feet are able to endure. Never mind if you think you are unable to take another step, for either He will strengthen you to make you able or He will call a sudden halt, and you will not have to take it at all.Frances Ridley Havergal writes:In pastures green? Not always; sometimes He who knowest best, in kindness leadeth me In weary ways, where heavy shadows be.So, whether on the hilltops high and fair I dwell, or in the sunless valleys, where the shadows lie,what matter? He is there.

So here I am in a new year...new territory in my life...and I am happy for I know my God is with me...and will lead me always...no matter what ends...what begins or what continues....


Suggested reads for any of you looking for a good book....
Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud
Boundaries by Dr Henry Cloud
Boundaries in Dating by Dr Henry Cloud ( if you are or want to date)
Breaking Intimidation by John Bevere (if you struggle with fear and insecurities in areas of your life..we all do!)
Fight Like a Girl by Lisa Bevere ( for women who want to be the woman God created us to be)The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman ( everyone should read this!)
The Five Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman ( don't miss this book!)
Any book by Michelle McKinney Hammond (if you are a woman...read her books...be the woman God created and called you to be!)
and if you are dating...He's Just Not that into You..by Greg Behrendt ( not a christian book..but really a truthful look at men and dating...by a man who used to be...Not That Into You! )
These are just to name a few of the books I have read or are reading...
So onward into the new territory!!!
Lead on oh King Eternal!
Lorrie

Putting it all together....awesome!!

Today is Friday, January 2nd 2009 and I had every intention of blogging a wonderful New Year's wish to you all. God...He has other ideas and plans...so I am sitting here ready to blog about what He set before me this morning. I ask for patience as I write..since I am not quite sure where God wants me to go with this message..but I will soon find out!
So to recap some things for me lately...I am reading a few books and read a couple about a week ago. The books I have read lately....Boundaries in Dating by Dr Henry Cloud...and He's Just Not That Into You...by Greg Behrendt. What an eye opening experience those books were. Boundaries in Dating...awesome book for anyone (not just women) who want to date or are dating. He's just not that into you....written for women to read...BUT....I really think that it should be read by every man who wants to date or is dating...it will maybe help them see the messages they are REALLY giving the women they are dating. It also may remind them...if you are not that into us as women...we will figure it out...and we will MOVE ON....(that is a phrase the author uses to tell the women...dump the guy who isn't into you...and get a life!) He (the author) reminds women that they should not waste their time with a guy who doesn't call..doesn't plan dates, doesn't give you compliments and doesn't include you in his personal life...a.k.a...introducing you to his friends and family. There are more chapters in this book..but I am not writing a blog about this book today. Both books...good reads!!! I am also currently reading Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud...and an awesome women's book by Michelle McKinny Hammmond....Secrets of an Irresistible Woman...(hey..it is NOT a book that gives a woman false hope that she does this or that and she finds the love of her life...it is a book about being the woman of God He has called you to be...and to GET A LIFE..it does deal with dating as well..)Awesome so far....so what is this blog suppose to be about???Well...seems that a reoccurring theme keeps popping up over the last week or so....Move on...Get a life....make better choices....let go of the past...forgive.....all big themes in the books I have been reading...well I could start by listing some of the messages Safe People showed me...
Safe People deals with character discernment in the first couple of chapters. What is this? Being able to tell the "sheep from the goats" in your life. Here is a quote:
Safe people are individuals who draw us closer to being the people God intended us to be. Though not perfect, they are "good enough" in their own character that the net effect of their presence in our lives is positive. They are accepting, honest and present and they help us bear good fruit in our lives.
Unsafe people fall into 3 categories...Abandoners:people who start a relationship but who can't finish it. They begin with statements about companionship and commitment, but they leave us when we need them most. Critics: people who take a parental role with everyone they know. They are judgemental, speak the truth without love and have no room for grace or forgiveness. Irresponsibles: are people who don't take care of themselves or others. They have problems with delaying gratification, they don't consider the consequences of their actions and they don't follow through on their commitments. Then the next chapter talks about the personal traits of unsafe people...there are 11 of them....
1. Unsafe people think they "have it all together" instead of admitting their weaknesses.
2. Unsafe people are religious instead of spiritual.
3. Unsafe people are defensive instead of open to feedback.
4. Unsafe people are self-righteous instead of humble.
5.Unsafe people only apologize instead of changing their behavior.
6. Unsafe people avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them.
7. Unsafe people demand trust, instead of earning it.
8.Unsafe people believe they are perfect, instead of admitting their faults.
9. Unsafe people blame others instead of taking responsibility.
10. Unsafe people lie instead of telling the truth.
11.Unsafe people are stagnant instead of growing.
There are also 9 interpersonal traits of unsafe people.
1. Unsafe people avoid closeness instead of connecting.
2.Unsafe people are only concerned about "I" instead of "WE".
3.Unsafe people resist freedom instead of encouraging it.
4.Unsafe people flatter us instead of confronting us.
5. Unsafe people condemns us instead of forgiving us.
6.Unsafe people stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals.
7.Unsafe people are unstable over time instead of being consistent.
8.Unsafe people are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one.
9.Unsafe people gossip instead of keeping secrets.
Well...wasn't that interesting...well the book actually talks about us ALL doing some of these at times in our lives...but it also really focuses on recognizing TRUE unsafe people...and why we are attracted to them...how to move past those relationships (all of our relationships...this isn't just a dating book..it is about ALL our relationships) and how to forgive and make better choices!
I could see myself in some of the personal and interpersonal traits a few times in my life...as I am sure we all can...each chapter defines the difference between being a truly unsafe person...and doing some of the listed traits on occasion, and how to not continue to repeat those traits!
So...God gives me a bunch of books to read...and some devotionals lately all about forgiveness, making better choices, being true to the woman He created me to be...and how to recognize unsafe people and how to set up the "right" boundaries in my life. I love how God works. When He sees areas of our lives He wants to bless us in...He peels away layers of yuck..so He can work in us...and continue and finish the good work He has started in us. Thank God He doesn't just pull all the layers off at one time...I would freak!!!! We all would!!!! He peels us like an onion...and works on changing us and making us who He designed us to be...little by little....so that it stays!!!! So we learn His lessons and live it as a life style!!!
Now my goal..call it maybe...my New Year goal...is to see the unsafe people in my life...learn how not to be an unsafe person...how to move on...to forgive and heal and to move forward and be who God wants me to be...and irresistible woman of God! And be this person in all my relationships!!! Wouldn't that be awesome!!!!
Theses books are NOT about changing other people...they are about our own safety...our own choices, our ability to forgive, to move on..to grow!!!! I want to do this. If I can be a better me...then I am a better woman, a better daughter, a better mother, a better sister, a better friend, a better girlfriend, a better whoever God has created me to be....so maybe I should change the word better to healthier and happier!!!! Just a thought.
So listed below is also a devotional on forgiveness...thought this was awesome!!! We all need this reminder too...cause we ALL struggle with forgiveness.
So I guess maybe God really was showing me my New Year's wish and goal for 2009...I love how God just puts things together....awesome!!
Love you all,
Lorrie

If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come offer your sacrifice to God.” Matthew 5:23-24 (NLT)


Yesterday I swept the mahogany dark wood floors in my house. I worked with so much energy it might have looked like I was a clean freak or, at the very least, industrious. I am neither of those things. In fact, I really didn’t even notice the dust bunnies flying through the air. I was hurt, trying to sweep away harsh words spoken the day before by a friend.I had spent most of the morning mulling over the words from the day before, wondering why I didn’t say somet hing. Wondering why she did. I finally put on some music, took out the broom, and asked God for His grace because mine didn’t seem to be big enough at the moment.I’ve heard people throw out advice on forgiveness as if dispensing aspirin. They casually say things like, “Jesus forgave, why don’t you?” The reality is that you and I aren’t Jesus. It’s an uneven journey at best as we accept His grace and strive to learn from His example. The practice of living a forgiving lifestyle can be an ominous task. There is incredible freedom in living a life of mercy, but it’s not something that we just find along the way. It’s a purposeful intent to move beyond the burden and restrictions of bitterness, anger, rage, or unresolved emotions tied to a person or event.Forgiveness is a bridge I thought I had crossed and yet here I was again. I had forgiven an abusive, dysfunctional childhood. I understand the joy and freedom that comes through forgiving oth ers. So why was the small stuff tripping me up? Perhaps it is because I am still growing, a process that will never stop.Jesus met a man who was paralyzed. His friends brought him to Jesus on a mat. The need was obvious, but instead of healing his legs Jesus said, “Your sins are forgiven.” (Matthew 9: 2 NLT) Isn’t it interesting that He addressed the issue of the man’s heart before attending to his physical body?He hasn’t changed. He still sees my heart. I have forgiven - but I will continue to become a forgiver as I meet life’s challenges. To do that, I have to give myself a little grace, but also invite Him into the process.Maybe you’re like I once was; dealing with the hurts of the past and forgiveness seems impossible. Forgiving doesn’t mean that abuse can continue or that what happened is okay. What it does mean is that you are ready to live life free of entanglements to the past.Maybe you have grappled w ith the big issues and they no longer hold power over you, but the little stuff is the big stuff and you are tired of it.Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us”. As I talked with my Savior, He settled in and made Himself at home in the situation. Yesterday my house got cleaned, but so did my heart.What happens when we are willing to forgive? It moves us one step closer to deep-seated faith marked by grace.

Dear Lord, Help me to forgive one person today. I lift up my heart. I won’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt, but I am willing to forgive. I’m not always big enough, but You are and I am grateful. I won’t forgive based on a person’s response, or even what is fair, but instead I will trust that You desire my heart to be free so that You can love in and through me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.


Related Resources:Do You Know Him?Sandpaper People: Dealing with the Ones Who Rub You the Wrong Way by Mary Southerland
The Woman I am Becoming by T. Suzanne Eller
Visit Suzie’s Blog
Application Steps:No matter whether it is a big or small issue, invite God into the situation today.Reflections:Think about unforgiveness as a wall. We build it around our heart to keep people from hurting us. What keeps you inside that wall?What can we miss when we live in a fortress?You don’t offer forgiveness to hear someone say they are sorry. It’s nice if it happens, but even if it doesn’t it’s foundational to wholeness - in you!
Power Verses:1 Corinthians 13:5, “Love does not demand its own way. [Love] is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” (NLT)© 2009 by T.Suzanne Eller. All rights reserved. You are subscribed as: lmdlmw2005@hotmail.comProverbs 31 Ministries616-G Matthews-Mint Hill Road, Matthews, NC 28105877-P31-HOME (877-731-4663)