Anger and Forgiveness

I am writing this blog tonight after I had already gone to bed, said my prayers and was ready to drift off...but here I sit! I didn't know I was angry until I let my mind relax and prepared to sleep. I am angry...and I need to write this blog as a letter...a little in first person...since I will not be given the opportunity to speak these words to the person because he will view it as aggressive confrontation . So I ask those of you reading it to just be patient with this blog. I must speak what is in my heart so I may release this and forgive. Here it is....

"I am angry with you. You lied to me several times and that has hurt me. I have never lied to you ever. I gave you every opportunity to be honest and clear with me...so there wouldn't be any misunderstandings or misrepresentations...but you chose lying instead. I am angry that you chose to speak to me often with a condescending attitude. I am angry that you would say things like "all I need is you" sarcastically to me...and admit to me you where only being sarcastic. I am hurt that you placed a very low value on my heart....that it wasn't even worthy of honesty nor was it even accepted. I am hurt that you spoke of "future" and commitment, and relationship" and then became distant and unforgiving. I am hurt that you chose passivity in this relationship...choosing not to call, not to extend your heart, not to open your life to me...yet all the while telling me you "liked me". I am hurt that you valued me so little that you couldn't even tell me we where done dating! And I am angry about that!
So I have a choice...I can stay angry at you and become bitter and harbor ill feelings towards you...or I can chose to forgive you and turn you over to God and not hang on to you anymore. I chose the latter option..even if you don't care or don't know.
I forgive you for talking commitment and companionship and not sticking it out to finish what YOU started for you where the one that started talking "future, and commitment and relationship first! I forgive you for your condescending attitude, your sarcasm (which by the way is the LOWEST FORM OF HUMOR..AND IT CAUSES INJURY TO ANOTHER PERSON)
, your unrealistic expectations of perfection for me, your refusal to forgive me when I apologized for any of my offenses, and for your lack of engagement in this dating relationship. I forgive you for lying to me when you had the opportunity to end things before Christmas. I forgive you for not calling to wish me a Merry Christmas...and I forgive you for all your excuses as to why you were too busy to call or unable to call. I forgive you for mistreating and not valuing my heart. I forgive you for not respecting me enough to apologize and change your behavior when I brought something to your attention. I forgive you for laughing off my feelings. I forgive you for not respecting me enough to say "we are done".
I am releasing myself from unforgiveness and angry towards you. I am turning over all of this to my Lord and Savior and asking Him for His healing in my life. I will not hold any ill will towards you and will pray for you. I have forgiven you but you will never be allowed back into my inner circle...for I no longer trust you.

I hope that those of you reading this will just realize that there was only one person this was written to and about ...and we are no longer dating. I am sure some would say this was inappropriate for me to send out...that it is behind his back and that isn't fair...I would never be allowed the chance to say any of these things to him. Not because I am afraid of him..because he would not ever let me say them...he would either hang up..or walk away from me. Since I write and it is good therapy for me...I wrote this. Please understand the context of why it was written...I must forgive him. I have to release this and seek God for healing. I must get out of the way. He is forgiven by me...I leave this all at the feet of Jesus....
I hope I didn't offend anyone as it wasn't my intent to do so.
Thanks for understanding and respecting my heart and my feelings.
Lorrie