Just little bumps in the road.

Hey all, well I haven't blogged for about a month and not because I don't have any blogs circling in my head and heart...I have just been moving at the speed of light for the past 2 months...and am just now taking a breath....breath in breath out...oh yes...very refreshing.In my job I spend a lot of time on the road. Many people are really surprised what a rough ride they receive in the back of the ambulance. And each time I hear that, I respond by telling them that the ambulances are built to carry a "mini ER"and not for comfort...and that they don't notice the bumps in the rode as much riding in the front of their cars where the suspension is designed to give a comfortable ride. Just take a ride in the back of a pickup once and you will notice the difference between riding in the front and riding in the back. Well yesterday I had a chance to really do some reflecting on the difference in riding in the front or the back and how the perspective of traveling down the road based on if you are driving in the front seat or riding along in the back.Welll...yep..you guessed it...that started a blog in my head. Then add to that theme, all the emotional bumps in the daily road of our lives. I have bumps in my road...sometimes on a daily basis...do you?Are they significant or insignificant? What I mean is...are some of the bumps so big that you have to change the direction you were going on the road or get onto another road...or are they just little speed bumps that just remind us to pay closer attention and slow down..be more careful...but really do not cause a major disruption of your life. I have obviously had both...we all have. Recently I had just a little speed bump and it was in facing the cause of that bump the other day that I realized how insignificant the cause of that bump was. I also realized that in the past I would have allowed that kind of bump to become a major road block, creating emotional heartache and havoc in my life. But this time, I hit that bump and scarcely felt the jarring in my heart. Wow...how did that happen???
Let me set the landscape for you. I have a huge heart. I have wanted to love someone with that "deep from the bottom of my heart" love. So when someone would enter my life...I would basically jump off the cliff of love and fall head first into the "idea" of loving someone. Note the quotes around the word idea. That is significant. For me, over the last few years, I have done just this...jump right off the cliff of love because I was in love with the "idea" of falling in love. Okay, that sets the background for this blog...except for this...back in November I went on a few dates with a nice man. Remember I mentioned this in a few of my blogs? Okay, anyway, I liked him. And since I liked the feeling of liking someone, I attached a deeper thought to those feelings. I wanted to fall in love...so I just "decided" that I was starting to feel love feelings. If you know me at all...I am pretty much the kind of person who once on a quest...I go for it!
Now, I have been through relationships before and had done much the same thing in the past as well...remember...when something is a habit...we continue to repeat it because it feels familiar. So....there I was...falling in love with the idea of falling in love...only this time something inside was speaking louder than the romantic music in my head. I even found myself saying out loud..." I don't think I can do this...I want my life back the way it was before all this (the dates) started." Now I did receive encouragement from friends and family to let this play out...and I did. So I took the opportunity to read some books God dropped in my lap (through friends suggestions) and boy did reading some of the suggestions and rules on dating and relationships totally charge me up to change my way of thinking about falling in love with the "idea" of falling in love. Before I knew it..I had not only broken the habit of jumping off the cliff but I had also become empowered to not let the ending of dating a nice guy become a huge bump in my road...the kind of bump that would usually cause great heartache and stop me in my tracks for a while on my road of life. Oh sure...I cried some. I got angry about some of the lies I was told. I even blogged about it. Here is the awesome thing...the minute that blog was written and posted...I realized that I was over the bump...and still traveling down the road God had placed before me. Here is the other cool thing...I continued on my road equipped with new knowledge and before I knew it...I had a new perspective on relationships...what it means to have a safe one, how to not only place boundaries but respect them, and not become heartsick. I found I still treasure the love in my heart...the hope I have for love. Cool!
So the other day while working, I encountered the person who was involved in this little speed bump. I realized that although I grew out of the few dates we had, there was no heartache, no longing, no wondering of what ifs, nothing...the only thing that came to my mind was insignificance. Those dates were insignificant to me as I travelled down my road. I had given the credit for new perspectives and growth to my Lord and so therefore...there was no significance given to this man. Now don't take that as a cold heartless statement. Let me explain.
In my past, through the relationships I have had with men, I have always attached great significance to those men and their impact in my life. Letting those relationships and heartaches disrupt and become road blocks in my life. I have even given them credit for some of the growth in my life instead of giving the credit to God. All because I used to place men and the whole desire of wanting to fall in love before my relationship with God. The last time that happened was several years ago...and when the relationship fell apart...so did I.
So the cool thing this time...I didn't fall apart. I had never allowed this man to become more significant than my relationship with God. So I can not give any credit to him for the change in my life, the breaking of habits and the growth I received. He is insignificant...for he is just a man and can not create anything in my life...only my God can. Now let me be clear...that does not mean I have a negative attitude about men. It does not mean that I do not place any value on who God made men to be. It means that through all the trials I have had with men...this time I found it easy to keep God in the lead, to follow after God's heart and not place my desire to be loved by a man higher than my desire for God. So when the dates ended...I had learned and moved on over that little speed bump with very little disruption, and gained a huge amount of knowledge and a greater amount of healing from my past.
So why have I written about this. We are all traveling a road filled with pot holes, speed bumps, caution signs as well as open areas for all the enjoyment of the journey. I will be the first to say sometimes those pot holes and speed bumps are huge...and they can really create havoc in our travels. But then we have a choice...we can stay imprisoned in those pot holes...giving all our thoughts, energy and focus on how big this obstacle is...how unfair and damaging it is..and never look around the obstacle to see the open road God has before us. We can be so caught up in the unfairness of this situation that we don't see God offering us tools to equip and arm ourselves against the damages these pot holes and speed bumps can cause. How much significance are we giving the person who was the pot hole or speed bump? Are we giving them more significance than God? Sometimes it is really hard to just pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and start all over again...that is where God is waiting to step in, and where our loved ones and friends are waiting to step in and help hold us up until we are ready to move forward in our journey. But the healing isn't going to come from the loved ones and friends. The healing is only going to come from opening ourselves to God and letting Him bring the healing. Let Him be the one significant...let God be the one you give the credit to ....I know from recent experience that is it soooo awesome to see my own growth. God is significant....man is just man.
Love ya'll
Lorrie