My life in Ruby slippers

"There's no place like home. There's no place like home....there's no place like home." tap tap tap...well I am not in Oz...but I am not in Kansas either. 
I don't have a dog named Toto, but I do have an irresistible cat named Kitty!(that was sarcastic folks!)  Yes her name is Kitty and she thinks she is all that and the cat food and MY food, my lap, my pillow...OK you get the picture.  She lets me live with her so that should give you an idea of who she is. She is 14 years old and she is not in the mood to deal with people who don't respect her status.  I am not kidding.  She doesn't bite. But you WILL know when she doesn't approve of you.  You will also know when she likes you.  She will plop her triangle shaped body down (not kidding either) on the floor in front of you and look at you.  "Yes...I am laying here waiting for you to rub my tummy.  Do you think I am laying here because you have any other purpose? WAITING......pet me noooooowwww!"  Yep that is kitty.  If you are actually graced with her presence, you will find yourself being stared down by a cat that looks like she swallowed a basketball...whole! (not kidding....) You are in the Kitty club when she requests that you stop what you are doing and "get over here and feed me person!"  "I know I have food still in the dish! Do you eat food that sat out all day??? Well I don't either. Now pour me some fresh stuff...right now! Wow, okay you people are sloooooow!  Come here...right here...you see me sitting here in front of the closet...yeah right here....see that bag of food...okay here, let me paw it a half a dozen times just to make sure you get MY point.  Okay...now you got it....can you pour the food ANY SLOWER! And no I will not thank you because you should feel privileged that I even spoke to you."
That's Kitty.  (not kidding)
Her side kick Leo,or the annoying little boy cat that Kitty  hisses and paws at when us humans are watching but has been caught sleeping next too when us humans come home too quietly ,(SHE HATES IT when we do that ....), is quite a pansy.  Yes, I called him a pansy.  He is afraid of storms.  He goes into slinky mode when a storm comes through. Normally, you would find him buried in his "cave" a.k.a...all snug as a bug in a rug under the covers of my bed( even when it is made...watching him do it is hilarious!!!!), or laying in the middle of the floor or hallway in "centerfold" pose....(not kidding), but the minute a storm starts brewing...he is slinking through the house to find a hiding spot.  You all have had or seen what a slinky is right?  And they made a kid's toy slinky dog years ago...well he is the real live cat slinky toy.  First you see his head come around the corner, then this long black body slinks around the corner in a low crawl, then here comes the back feet slinking by, then the tail.  His body barely a half inch above the ground.  Slinky Man!!!!!!
These are the creatures I live with.
 Oh, did I forget to include THE TEENAGER...DUDUDUN.....not JUST  a teenager....a FEMALE teenager.....(dramatic music at its loudest point!!!!!)
Add to this adorable living situation a 17 year old female.  She is the youngest of 3 children. Raised mainly by me since she was 7.  Her  sister Ali is 9 years older, and her brother Matt is 7 years older.  So not only is she the youngest, she has basically been the only child due to the age differences.  Did I mention that I have been the main parent since she was 7....so that gives life one more spin! 
Do NOT EVER enter her domain (her room) without understanding the risks.  It isn't a big room, but you would think it was. There is more "STUFF" in there and I have no clue what most of it is for.  (I don't think she does either...but she says it is "her" stuff...so apparently that should explain everything!)  In fact I know that I consistently rewash "clean" clothes, since the clean stuff ends up in the clothes basket, and the dirty stuff is in the corner and I am not sure it isn't "ALIVE!"....thus why I dash in...grab the basket and dash out...(whew...in and out and still alive....LOL) Her walls are covered with pictures.  Collages is probably a better description.  But not in photo frames...pinned or stapled to the wall.  Everyone who is part of her life, or has been, no matter how briefly they have been there...yep they are all up on her walls.  Treasures cover the tops of all dressers and tables.  Sea shells, pens, books, markers, jewelry, perfume, lotion, scrapes of paper, notes, ponytail bands, candles, coins , and many more items.  I call them her treasures.  Everywhere she has been she has taken a treasure to remember the moments.  Her music is eclectic.  Modern stuff from rap to country to rock and pop, but come bed time....Sara Maclaclan and Enya....her lullaby music at 17.  She has a fondness for strays of any kind!.  Stray animals....like cats, puppies, let's not forget "the duck" and people.
She is smart, funny and beautiful.  Ask her to do her velocaraptor sometime...NOT KIDDING!!!  She does have a knack for car dancing too.  Okay, did you just shoot milk out of your nose????  I did say car dancing.  Little dance moves with your hands and head...okay...so I do it too...WHAT?????
She is awesome with kids, working behind a coffee counter, cooking and helping people move...just ask Amanda....she had Amanda's bathroom unpacked and put together in no time...this girl knows how to move...learned that from the best I have to say..... ;D.
She wants to join the US ARMY, go to college, be a chef, work with animals, be a mom, travel, work in Paris, and take care of her mom when I get old.( not kidding...just ask her...she will say "well I can't let mom live with Ali...cause mom would never survive, and Matt...yeah...not even an option...so when I get married the terms of the marriage are that my mother lives with us or I won't marry him."  did you shoot milk out your nose again??? I did the first time I heard it so don't be embarrassed.)
She loves the ocean, all animals(except the icky kind...didn't know there was that classification...but she says there is...) kids, food, family (even though we drive her nuts...so SHE says), travelling, driving (take a breath, she isn't on her own yet...you have time to move out of the area.) and having fun...(yep...that has almost given me a few strokes....oh I am NOT kidding!)
Now for the cherry on top of this luscious sundae I call my life...I save lives.  (okay..that's what the teenager calls it...she is VERY proud of my job....just ask her...she even thinks that she can do it too cause I am a paramedic so somehow maybe by osmosis she knows it too....I think you should just stop drinking milk until you are done reading this...just a thought...you can't keep shooting milk out your nose unless you are practicing for Americas Got Talent...)
My career is Para medicine....what a cine you ask?? I am a paramedic.  You know...the woooo hoooo woooo hoooo woooo hoooo driver. (okay bad attempt at a siren but whatever....deal with it.) I have an AWESOME job! I was NOT kidding so stop laughing...  I have helped moms deliver their babies, held someones hand when a loved one died, intubated almost every age, seen the most gruesome accidents/deaths, saved people who were having heart attacks, listened to teenagers who are sad, and anything in between to the most bizarre...like someone smoking potpourri....I AM NOT KIDDING... ( stop drinking the milk...you are making a mess!!)  I work with some of the funniest, smartest and warped people on the planet...just ask them they will tell you! I don't make near what a nurse makes, yet I do more medicine in one 12 hour shift then they may do in a week!  NOT KIDDING!!  I have been known to take severely injured person who is broken and bleeding to the hospital and turn around and eat a burger....not to mention the number of times I am eating my lunch on the way to an emergency call..OK..I am NOT driving when I am doing that...seriously...that is SOOOOO against policy!!!  And hey driver in front of us with your window down and we have been honking at you now for 6 BLOCKS and you can't hear us cause you are on your cell phone and are tuning out the sirens and don't bother to actually LOOK IN YOUR MIRRORS....when you do finally pull over ....YOU WILL GET THE HORN LONG AND LOUD.....so the person on your phone needs a hearing aid.  NOT KIDDING!!!   But I will smile while I do that...all for the sake of providing a positive image of EMS.( That stands for Emergency Medical Services....we are professionals...really...ask us!!!)
So you are still trying to figure out what all this has to do with my red shoes aren't you.  Well, when I found these shoes a few months ago....(the ones in the picture up top) I knew I had found my own "ruby" slippers.  How do you NOT buy these???  These red shoes speak volumes of the woman I am....beautiful, bold, sexy, satiny, smart, girly(they have a ruffly ribbon of satin across the top...hello...girly!!), vibrant, fashionable, confident, a little dangerous, well polished and not afraid.

 
  This is my life in Ruby slippers. I am not in Oz, but not in Kansas either. I am not quite sure what this land is, but I do know I have the shoes.