I AM Woman...hear me whisper....

When I was a little girl, growing up in the relaxed city of Sioux Falls SD...I had to learn to move between the elements of city life and country life...better yet....ranch life. When I was about 5 years old my mother remarried and my new dad owned approximately 45 plus horses. Yeah...that is a lot of horses. I was a pretty typical little girl...loved to play with Barbies and dress up, but when we would go out to the ranch...I learned to become a cow girl. Most women today would voice great disdain at the word cow girl...trying to find another more PC version...well I was a cow girl...not a boy. So I don't mind the phrase at all. You will understand why as you read. My step dad put great expectations upon my mother, sister and I about what we should be able to do when we were out at the horses. Often times I would hear my mother yelling at my dad to stop yelling at us girls...that we weren't boys or men and we didn't have the strength that men or boys do. That was and is true. If you are reading this and have embraced the Feminist movement blindly...then I just ticked you off. Maybe you want to stop reading this right now...because I have more to say about being a woman...and a radical feminist is going to highly offended by what I am writing and believing. Continuing on here....having heard this exchange many times between my parents...I(Lorrie) being the oldest, took it upon myself to try and be tough and strong like a boy, so that I would gain favor from my dad. It kinda worked for a few years...until I began to physically develop into a woman. I got all the curves that a woman was suppose to have. Let's just say...I had it where it counted and boys and men took notice. Here was my struggle. Although I was working very hard to be a boy...deep inside I was definitely a girl. So the raging fight was born inside me. At 12 I stopped trying to be "the son by dad wanted", and embraced being a girl. Funny thing was that I could still ride better than most kids, yes...I was one of the best riders in the area...even better than many adults...no that isn't conceit...it just came naturally...a gift. Anyway...I could still drive a tractor and throw 50-70 pound bales of hay onto the flatbed trailer. I could ride at break neck speed and steer bolting cattle where they needed to go. And every night when we would return home to our house in the city...I was a girl. I loved dancing, singing, and cooking. I cried at happy endings, sad endings and when someone made me really angry....and I still do today! :) I loved wearing dresses, and pretty things in my hair. I learned how to set a fancy table and what etiquette and charm was...something that today seems of no value to most people. The more I grew into a woman, the more my dad hated it. NO..this isn't a message on the dysfunction of my step dad...just a little background for what I have to say. My mother attempted to counter any of my dad's attacks by raising us girls to be "independent" and to only rely on ourselves. Yet that definitely didn't sit well with my feminine heart inside me. I loved romance and tales of true love. The stories of the Knight rescuing the Maid...only I didn't gravitate to the stories of the helpless maids...I loved the stories where the woman was a woman of strong character and when the Knight fought and won her...they made a powerful union. He was the man...and all that a man was meant to be...and she was the woman...beautiful in who she was meant to be. Life in my world didn't demonstrate that much. Then you add in the Feminist movement, and although a little good came out of that...a whole lot of bad happened because of that movement. Women forgot how important they were as women. Men were not needed as men.
A number of years ago I read a book by Tom Brokaw called the Greatest Generation. I read this book right after I became a paramedic. Here I was working in a career mainly dominated by men. I was referred to as either a Lesbian or a slut because I was trying to do a "man's" job. Only when the guys got to know me did they realize that here was a real woman who wasn't trying to be a man, but loved being a woman doing the job along side them. I totally recognized my limitations physically in the job. Duh...it is not physically possible for me to be as strong as most men...and I am completely okay with that!!! But once again I was straddling two worlds of expectations. In my marriage I had become the dominate one occasionally because my husband had his own issues with making decisions. When I made one for him because it had to be done...I paid for it in ridicule and battery. All I really wanted to be in my marriage was the woman! Unfortunately, because I was raised to be a stronger, independent woman, our roles in the marriage were very damaged. I dreamed of being respected and loved...you know... the love that God says that a man should have for his wife...as Christ loved the church...in other words...willing to defend me to the end....never happened. When the marriage was over, I raised my fist and said...I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR! But that wasn't really sitting well in my heart and soul either. About that time I happened to read the book The Greatest Generation...and cried a lot through it...no..it isn't sappy..not a mushy book...not a chick book...but it was a reminder of what I believed men and women should be...and I was sad because I didn't see that very much. I talked a lot about the book to my friends...and most of them didn't get what I was talking about. The Feminist movement that came about after World War II changed a lot for men and women. I believe it made it harder for us to be men and women. The men and women God designed us to be. So in the past several years I have been trying to balance the responsibility of being a single mom...having to "handle" everything that goes wrong...with being a woman who wants to be treasured and valued. I can't tell you the gallons of tears I have cried when I have had car problems. Yes I learned in high school how to change a tire, and put on windshield wipers...but that was it...when you are alone and the car falls apart...I bawl my eyes out...saying..."I don't get why I have to be tough and "handle" this...I am a woman...I feel! But being alone...I have had to suck it up and have courage and muddle through. Same situation in my home. The first few years as a single mom...I tried to be mom and dad for Lindsey. I stopped doing that a couple years ago...I can only raise her to be a woman. And that is a GOOD THING!
Our society has really destroyed the value of being a man or a woman. Being equal in the eyes of society has wrecked destruction on being a man and being a woman. God designed and created us wonderfully different to come together and be a union...strong together yet unique in our own ways. The character of a man and what defines him is not the same as a woman...or God would have just made men. The character of a woman and what defines her is not the same as a man or God would have destroyed man after He made woman and only had women on His earth...and that didn't happen....He created MAN and WOMAN....for each other...to compliment and cover the strengths and weaknesses of both. So that has been my ongoing struggle over the past few years...how to be the woman God created me to be and still survive in a world that doesn't value gender differences...that views gender differences as a weakness that must be overcome. It makes me want to scream!!!!!!!
I am currently reading a book that radical Feminists would want burned! It is called How to Fight Like a Girl...The Power of Being a Woman...by Lisa Bevere. Nope....it is in no way, shape or form a man bashing book...or I wouldn't be reading it! I value men...I like men!! It is a book reminding woman of the value we have as a woman created by God to be a woman after God's won heart.
I, a woman, have been beautifully and wonderfully made...a woman...made for the deep and not the shallow!
Here is an excerpt of the book that explains my last sentence:

Made for the Deep, Not the Shallow
(Lisa Bevere writes...)
Believe me, there have been many occasions when I have questioned God's sense of wisdom on this one. There have been times when I felt I was much better equipped to play the role of the dominant and outspoken male rather than the more demure and subdued female. There have even been times when I wanted to distance myself from the whole dynamic of female because of the petty politics and gossip rampant in groupings of females. I feared if I befriended females, I would risk being swallowed up in their world of pink fluff and superficial conversations. Despising all the weaknesses I associated with the female gender, I leaned toward the male dynamic. But then a question arose within me. Perhaps what I rejected as "female fluff" was never originally part of the female DNA. Perhaps I did not like the passive aggressive behavior for a reason. Maybe I was meant as a woman to despise all the focus on looks and namedropping because I was originally made not for the shallow, but for the deep. Perhaps I had mistaken the quiet woman for the weak. Maybe there were times when more could be heard in a woman's whisper than a man's shout.
There is an amazing combination found when you marry strength with beauty, authority with wisdom, male with female. It was always God's idea.....two with one heart. Together, we realize a multiplication of our strengths.

(She goes on to write)
The man's strength was never meant to be used against woman, but for her. Superior strength was given to men to protect and provide for the women in their lives. This strength was never meant to be an instrument of dominion or abuse. Weak, confused, powerless men abuse women.

She spends the next several chapters talking about the wonders of man...and how awesome God made them to be!!! I agree completely with that too!
So what if I have to fight against the whole world...and the feminists...I am a woman...beautifully and preciously made by God...hear me whisper.
Lorrie Michelle Durbin