Putting it all together....awesome!!

Today is Friday, January 2nd 2009 and I had every intention of blogging a wonderful New Year's wish to you all. God...He has other ideas and plans...so I am sitting here ready to blog about what He set before me this morning. I ask for patience as I write..since I am not quite sure where God wants me to go with this message..but I will soon find out!
So to recap some things for me lately...I am reading a few books and read a couple about a week ago. The books I have read lately....Boundaries in Dating by Dr Henry Cloud...and He's Just Not That Into You...by Greg Behrendt. What an eye opening experience those books were. Boundaries in Dating...awesome book for anyone (not just women) who want to date or are dating. He's just not that into you....written for women to read...BUT....I really think that it should be read by every man who wants to date or is dating...it will maybe help them see the messages they are REALLY giving the women they are dating. It also may remind them...if you are not that into us as women...we will figure it out...and we will MOVE ON....(that is a phrase the author uses to tell the women...dump the guy who isn't into you...and get a life!) He (the author) reminds women that they should not waste their time with a guy who doesn't call..doesn't plan dates, doesn't give you compliments and doesn't include you in his personal life...a.k.a...introducing you to his friends and family. There are more chapters in this book..but I am not writing a blog about this book today. Both books...good reads!!! I am also currently reading Safe People by Dr Henry Cloud...and an awesome women's book by Michelle McKinny Hammmond....Secrets of an Irresistible Woman...(hey..it is NOT a book that gives a woman false hope that she does this or that and she finds the love of her life...it is a book about being the woman of God He has called you to be...and to GET A LIFE..it does deal with dating as well..)Awesome so far....so what is this blog suppose to be about???Well...seems that a reoccurring theme keeps popping up over the last week or so....Move on...Get a life....make better choices....let go of the past...forgive.....all big themes in the books I have been reading...well I could start by listing some of the messages Safe People showed me...
Safe People deals with character discernment in the first couple of chapters. What is this? Being able to tell the "sheep from the goats" in your life. Here is a quote:
Safe people are individuals who draw us closer to being the people God intended us to be. Though not perfect, they are "good enough" in their own character that the net effect of their presence in our lives is positive. They are accepting, honest and present and they help us bear good fruit in our lives.
Unsafe people fall into 3 categories...Abandoners:people who start a relationship but who can't finish it. They begin with statements about companionship and commitment, but they leave us when we need them most. Critics: people who take a parental role with everyone they know. They are judgemental, speak the truth without love and have no room for grace or forgiveness. Irresponsibles: are people who don't take care of themselves or others. They have problems with delaying gratification, they don't consider the consequences of their actions and they don't follow through on their commitments. Then the next chapter talks about the personal traits of unsafe people...there are 11 of them....
1. Unsafe people think they "have it all together" instead of admitting their weaknesses.
2. Unsafe people are religious instead of spiritual.
3. Unsafe people are defensive instead of open to feedback.
4. Unsafe people are self-righteous instead of humble.
5.Unsafe people only apologize instead of changing their behavior.
6. Unsafe people avoid working on their problems instead of dealing with them.
7. Unsafe people demand trust, instead of earning it.
8.Unsafe people believe they are perfect, instead of admitting their faults.
9. Unsafe people blame others instead of taking responsibility.
10. Unsafe people lie instead of telling the truth.
11.Unsafe people are stagnant instead of growing.
There are also 9 interpersonal traits of unsafe people.
1. Unsafe people avoid closeness instead of connecting.
2.Unsafe people are only concerned about "I" instead of "WE".
3.Unsafe people resist freedom instead of encouraging it.
4.Unsafe people flatter us instead of confronting us.
5. Unsafe people condemns us instead of forgiving us.
6.Unsafe people stay in parent/child roles instead of relating as equals.
7.Unsafe people are unstable over time instead of being consistent.
8.Unsafe people are a negative influence on us, rather than a positive one.
9.Unsafe people gossip instead of keeping secrets.
Well...wasn't that interesting...well the book actually talks about us ALL doing some of these at times in our lives...but it also really focuses on recognizing TRUE unsafe people...and why we are attracted to them...how to move past those relationships (all of our relationships...this isn't just a dating book..it is about ALL our relationships) and how to forgive and make better choices!
I could see myself in some of the personal and interpersonal traits a few times in my life...as I am sure we all can...each chapter defines the difference between being a truly unsafe person...and doing some of the listed traits on occasion, and how to not continue to repeat those traits!
So...God gives me a bunch of books to read...and some devotionals lately all about forgiveness, making better choices, being true to the woman He created me to be...and how to recognize unsafe people and how to set up the "right" boundaries in my life. I love how God works. When He sees areas of our lives He wants to bless us in...He peels away layers of yuck..so He can work in us...and continue and finish the good work He has started in us. Thank God He doesn't just pull all the layers off at one time...I would freak!!!! We all would!!!! He peels us like an onion...and works on changing us and making us who He designed us to be...little by little....so that it stays!!!! So we learn His lessons and live it as a life style!!!
Now my goal..call it maybe...my New Year goal...is to see the unsafe people in my life...learn how not to be an unsafe person...how to move on...to forgive and heal and to move forward and be who God wants me to be...and irresistible woman of God! And be this person in all my relationships!!! Wouldn't that be awesome!!!!
Theses books are NOT about changing other people...they are about our own safety...our own choices, our ability to forgive, to move on..to grow!!!! I want to do this. If I can be a better me...then I am a better woman, a better daughter, a better mother, a better sister, a better friend, a better girlfriend, a better whoever God has created me to be....so maybe I should change the word better to healthier and happier!!!! Just a thought.
So listed below is also a devotional on forgiveness...thought this was awesome!!! We all need this reminder too...cause we ALL struggle with forgiveness.
So I guess maybe God really was showing me my New Year's wish and goal for 2009...I love how God just puts things together....awesome!!
Love you all,
Lorrie

If you are presenting a sacrifice at the altar in the temple and you suddenly remember that someone has something against you, leave your sacrifice there at the altar. Go and be reconciled to that person. Then come offer your sacrifice to God.” Matthew 5:23-24 (NLT)


Yesterday I swept the mahogany dark wood floors in my house. I worked with so much energy it might have looked like I was a clean freak or, at the very least, industrious. I am neither of those things. In fact, I really didn’t even notice the dust bunnies flying through the air. I was hurt, trying to sweep away harsh words spoken the day before by a friend.I had spent most of the morning mulling over the words from the day before, wondering why I didn’t say somet hing. Wondering why she did. I finally put on some music, took out the broom, and asked God for His grace because mine didn’t seem to be big enough at the moment.I’ve heard people throw out advice on forgiveness as if dispensing aspirin. They casually say things like, “Jesus forgave, why don’t you?” The reality is that you and I aren’t Jesus. It’s an uneven journey at best as we accept His grace and strive to learn from His example. The practice of living a forgiving lifestyle can be an ominous task. There is incredible freedom in living a life of mercy, but it’s not something that we just find along the way. It’s a purposeful intent to move beyond the burden and restrictions of bitterness, anger, rage, or unresolved emotions tied to a person or event.Forgiveness is a bridge I thought I had crossed and yet here I was again. I had forgiven an abusive, dysfunctional childhood. I understand the joy and freedom that comes through forgiving oth ers. So why was the small stuff tripping me up? Perhaps it is because I am still growing, a process that will never stop.Jesus met a man who was paralyzed. His friends brought him to Jesus on a mat. The need was obvious, but instead of healing his legs Jesus said, “Your sins are forgiven.” (Matthew 9: 2 NLT) Isn’t it interesting that He addressed the issue of the man’s heart before attending to his physical body?He hasn’t changed. He still sees my heart. I have forgiven - but I will continue to become a forgiver as I meet life’s challenges. To do that, I have to give myself a little grace, but also invite Him into the process.Maybe you’re like I once was; dealing with the hurts of the past and forgiveness seems impossible. Forgiving doesn’t mean that abuse can continue or that what happened is okay. What it does mean is that you are ready to live life free of entanglements to the past.Maybe you have grappled w ith the big issues and they no longer hold power over you, but the little stuff is the big stuff and you are tired of it.Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us”. As I talked with my Savior, He settled in and made Himself at home in the situation. Yesterday my house got cleaned, but so did my heart.What happens when we are willing to forgive? It moves us one step closer to deep-seated faith marked by grace.

Dear Lord, Help me to forgive one person today. I lift up my heart. I won’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt, but I am willing to forgive. I’m not always big enough, but You are and I am grateful. I won’t forgive based on a person’s response, or even what is fair, but instead I will trust that You desire my heart to be free so that You can love in and through me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.


Related Resources:Do You Know Him?Sandpaper People: Dealing with the Ones Who Rub You the Wrong Way by Mary Southerland
The Woman I am Becoming by T. Suzanne Eller
Visit Suzie’s Blog
Application Steps:No matter whether it is a big or small issue, invite God into the situation today.Reflections:Think about unforgiveness as a wall. We build it around our heart to keep people from hurting us. What keeps you inside that wall?What can we miss when we live in a fortress?You don’t offer forgiveness to hear someone say they are sorry. It’s nice if it happens, but even if it doesn’t it’s foundational to wholeness - in you!
Power Verses:1 Corinthians 13:5, “Love does not demand its own way. [Love] is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” (NLT)© 2009 by T.Suzanne Eller. All rights reserved. You are subscribed as: lmdlmw2005@hotmail.comProverbs 31 Ministries616-G Matthews-Mint Hill Road, Matthews, NC 28105877-P31-HOME (877-731-4663)