Say what you mean and mean what you say!

Over the past few months, this phrase: say what you mean and mean what you say..has become more and more frequent out of many of my friend's and family's mouth....including my own mouth. Seems that the power of words has become a very important issue lately. I would agree. Misunderstandings can happen so quickly when we are not conscious of our word choices. We all have found ourselves in the middle of a difficult situation when we have jumped to conclusions or assumed we understood what someone is saying ...when in reality...we weren't quite sure. Or here is another situation...the person speaking...talks in circles or is very vague...now how are we suppose to understand or interpret anything???? It happens with co-workers, with family and friends, with children and with spouses..significant others..ect....and we all know what happens...boom goes the bomb...and pretty soon there are misunderstandings...hurt feelings...and apprehension. How do we survive through these situations. This is something I have been talking about with my own daughter...explaining to her the power of her words...and how she can make word choices that will not create confusion, conflict or misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Sounds easy but it isn't. It does take work. Sometimes these situations happen so often that a person starts becoming scared to even speak. I have found that out on occasion as well. Bottom line...when someone says something that sounds really vague, or is confusing...or they seem to be waffling in their words...ask for clarafication...repeat back what they said to them so that you both get what was said. But maybe it requires more than that. Just maybe we need to stop being afraid of the people we talk to ...and be honest. We don't have to be mean or cruel...but maybe if you are waffling about trying to explain something you don't feel comfortable with or you want someone to stop doing something...just say something like "right now I am just uncomfortable with this...and I will let you know when I am not...but for now please don't do....(whatever that thing is)...sounds pretty simple right? Then why don't we do this? How often don't we find ourselves in a situation where we are back tracking and saying..."what I meant was...." well then maybe those words should have been said to begin with..and then the misunderstanding wouldn't happen. I tell Lindsey this often..."I can't read your mind and figure out what you mean...so say what you mean." I have trouble with this myself. But I am getting better. Mainly because I stay engaged in the conversation I am having with the person...so since I am paying attention...I can pick up on clues as to the "feel" of the conversation. Takes work. What makes this situation worse is when the person seems to be all over the place trying to explain what they mean...and then they back track and then they get frustrated...and what do we do??? We make things worse by jumping on them for the back tracking...and then they get mad because we jumped to conclusions and now the whole thing is a mess.....sounds like canoing through sludge doesn't it!!
I have always appreciated truth. It is very important to me..and I try to speak in truth as well as receive truth. I try to make myself approachable to receiving truth too!
But that brings me to the second part of the phrase...mean what you say. That is where trust comes into play. When someone speaks to you and tells you how they feel about something or even how they feel about you....ect....it takes trust on our part to believe them. How many times have you had someone tell you they were going to do something or you can count on them...and then when you are left waiting for them to follow through...it doesn't happen. All of us have experienced that...and probably many, many times. First couple times it happens...you shrug it off as an accident, or value the excuse they give you...but how do you do that everytime and not get mad??? One way is to set a clear and precise boundary of expectation. If something is important to me...I should be able to express it to the person it involves. Setting that clear expectation can really eliminate misunderstandings....but not always. Sometimes you can tell someone a phrase over and over and they don't get it. What then??? Then maybe you need to flat out ask them..."when you say that phrase....it sounds like...(whatever the thing is) and I don't want to jump to conclusions...and it sounds like you mean...(whatever it sounds like) and so now I am wondering what is and isn't acceptable...because I am trying to take you at your word and trust your words..and so I would really like it if you could make things very simple, very clear and very detailed so that I get what you are saying." Yeah that sounds like a long statement...but better that then getting into misunderstandings right???? If you are not comfortable with what someone is doing...say those words...not...I am not used to that....and then act all uncomfortable about the fact they continue to do the thing...THEY DIDN'T UNDERSTAND YOU BECAUSE YOU WERE NOT CLEAR! Hello..it takes personal accountability to communicate. And why be surprised when they question the truth of your words...when you don't follow through with what you say you are going to do....why should that suprise you....the person feels lied to by you...because you didnt follow through. Hello.....it isn't that hard to get. And saying one thing one time to someone...then saying something just the opposite...yeah..that creates confusion...and the person on the receiving end doesn't know what to think, feel or believe. Talk about frustration right???!!! Well, these things can all be avoided in our daily lives by just speaking plainly and clearly...not being all flowery or trying to impress someone...saying what you mean...and meaning it. Bottom line....no games, no joking around and not understanding why the other person didn't get it...no assuming or jumping to conclusions...just speak plainly. Wouldn't we all have better and healthier relationships with the people in our lives if we did this. It has really helped things with my own daughter and I. And also in many of my friendships...and I am still trying to apply this concept to other relationships in my life.
I don't know what you situation is in regard to this topic...but wouldn't it be great if truth was valued...respect was given and people were just real.
After hearing so much on this subject over the last few weeks...thought maybe I should blog on it...
Just a thought!
Lorrie

Courage in the face of being man and woman

Okay...I am taking a risk here today. I am going to write a blog that may really anger some women. But I think it has to be written...at least I need to write about it. Actually, someone ...several people have written about this and I have read several of these peoples books...and when I awoke this morning...my brain was on a quest to find certain passages from one of these books. Maybe it was to refresh my own memory...maybe it was to be a reminder to me as I journey down this incredible road of relationship with the man in my life...and maybe it was to be an encouragement to my friends...and/or all women. I am going to go with ALL OF THE ABOVE!
Here is the thing that is going to maybe tick off a few women....stop expecting a man to be a woman. Stop expecting them to be more like us...relationally. Their quest is not the same as ours. Now...wait a minute...let me expand that statement before you call me up or write nasty things....what I am not saying is that men don't have to treat us with respect and dignity, tenderness and adoration....what I am saying is they were not designed to always be relational and "in tune" to the emotions of "the touchy, feelyness" of women's hearts. They have a man's heart..and a man's way of thinking...and maybe if we stop expecting them to be more like us...they will be more like the men God created them to be...and be true to what man is...and then the intimate fit between a man and woman will exist and be strong and unyeilding to attempts to destroy it. Okay....I am also not excusing the actions of men who choose the path of coward and abuser either. There is no excuse to rudeness, lies, manipulation, cowardness and abusive behavior...not from either a man or a woman. But I truly believe that in the heart of a man is this inherent desire to be the strong, couragous champion...and to capture the heart of his one true love. Yeah...sounds sappy...and full of oowie gooie "love"....but let me explain and show you something that made an incredible difference in my expectations and beliefs in what God created man to be...and what God created woman to be.
A few years ago I read a couple books on men and women. One was called Captivating...many of you have heard of it...very scriptural and truth based book on women, who they were created to be, how that has changed, the wounds we have suffered and our greatest fears. And yes...we women battle with a fear that we will never be good enough for the man in our life...and that we are just too much to deal with because we live through a heart of emotions...just the way God created us to live. That is our fear. We fear that no man will ever want us because we are NOT like them...we were created for relationship and love...and a woman's heart can be a very terrifying place for a man to be...and many times we women have really cause horrible wounds to a man when they give us their own hearts...terrible cycle...and it causes men to fear the heart of a woman...and women to not trust the heart of a man. Not what God had intended at all.
Then I read the other book that goes with Captivating...called Wild at Heart..Discovering the secret to a Man's Soul. Let me just say that when I first started reading this book it was because I was really angry and hating men...I had suffered some very deep wounds and I believed that only by understanding what God had intended man and woman to be...would I find healing and more importantly...hope of believing that I could really trust a man's heart again...not trusting was very unhealthy for me. Let me also say...this book "Wild At Heart"...really ticked me off more than a few times...because it went against so much of what I had been raised to believe about a man...and what I believed about men due to the suffering I had experienced by their own hands or treachery. BUT....then things began to make sense for me. Can't tell you the number of times I reread chapters in both of these books....hmmmm....and I had to admit deep in my heart that I had always longed to be the woman God created woman to be....and that the three desires essential to a woman's heart were there deep in mine. Which meant...that I had to learn how to be that woman and stop trying to make a man be like me...and I had to accept and allow a man to be "a man"...one after God's own heart...one that God designed him to be...with his own desires that make us who he is. Meant I had to stop trying to control every man in my life....and I had to become vulnerable to the possibility of being wounded once in a while by man because he is a man with a man's heart and not a woman's heart. Let me tell you...that hasn't come easy for me....my life is filled with some great wounds dished out by men...but it only got worse when I tried to control them and "change" them into who I wanted them to be. Big mistake for me...big mistake for women in general. I am talking about changing them in their core being...not asking them to please help clean up things or participating in something we like and they are not that interested in...I am talking about trying to change the core of who a man is....that should never be done.
Okay..who is mad at me yet???? Please let me say ....that in becoming vulnerable with a man...yes...we are going to get trampled sometimes. It will happen. It will hurt...VERY DEEPLY AND HORRIBLY. But when a man is treacherous with a woman...he is no man...he is a coward. Let me make that very clear!!!
So today...I wanted to share a few key points from this book Wild At Heart...things about the core of a man....the core of a woman...and about courage....
John Elderidge writes...
"There are three desires I find written so deeply into my heart I know now I can no longer disregard them without losing my soul. They are core to who and what I am and yearn to be. I gaze into boyhood, I search the pages of literature, I listen carefully to many, many men, and I am convinced these desires are universal, a clue into masculinity itself. They may be misplaced, forgotten, or misdirected, but in the heart of every man is a desperate desire for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue. I want you to think of the films men love, the things they do with their free time, and especially the aspirations of little boys and see if I am not right on this.
A Battle To Fight
Capes and swords, camouflage, bandannas and six shooters...these are the uniforms of boyhood. Little boys yearn to know they are powerful, they are dangerous, they are someone to be reckoned with. Aggression is part of the masculine design, we are hardwirred for it. If we believe that man is made in the image of God, then we would do well to remember that "the LORD is a warrior, the LORD is his name" ( Ex. 15:3)
Little girls do not invent games where large numbers of people die, where bloodshed is a prerequisite for having fun. A boy wants to atack something...and so does a man. He wasnt to whack something into kingdom come. On the other hand, boys do not sit down to tea parties, or call friends on the phone to talk abou relationships. They grown bored of games that have no element of danger or competition or bloodshed. Cooperative games based on "relational interdependence" are complete nonsense. "No one is killed?" they ask....."No one wins???" The boy is a warrior, the boy is his name...When boys play at war they are rehearsing their part in a much bigger drama. One day, you just might need that boy to defend you.
Like it or not...there is something fierce in the heart of every man.
He goes on to write about in the depths of every man's heart is the desire for adventure. Adventure requires something of men..it puts them to the test. He writes...
Though we may fear the test, at the same time we yearn to be tested, to discover that we have what it takes. There is something wild in the heart of every man.
He also writes about the third thing...the beauty to rescue.
He writes....There is nothing so inspiring to a man as a beautiful woman. She'll make you want to charge the castle, slay the giant, leap across the parapets. A man wants to be the hero to the beauty.
He goes on to list lots of examples...but he ends with this statement..
There is something passionate in the hearts of every man.
Then he writes about the feminine heart...(this is soooo true...this is the woman I am...and have always wanted to be!)
There are three desires that I have found essential to a woman's heart, which are not entirely different from a man's, yet thery remain distinctly feminine. Not every woman wants a battle to fight, but every woman yearns to be fought for. Listen to the longings of a woman's heart: She wants to be more than noticed...she wants to be "wanted". She wants to be "pursued". "I just want to be a priority to someone."
Every woman also wants an adventure to share. So many men make the mistake of thinking that the woman is the adventure. But that is where the relationship immediately goes downhill. A woman doesn't want to be the adventure, she wants to be caught up into something greater than herself.
And finally, every woman wants to have a beauty to unveil. Not to conjure, but to unveil. There is a deep desire to simply and truly be the beauty and delighted in. The world kills a woman's heart when it tells her to be tough, efficient and independent....
and those we women feel that no one is fighting for our hearts, there is no grand adventure to be swept up in, and every woman doubts very much that she has any beauty to unveil.
These are the profound differences in what God created in the hearts of men and women...yet look at how they intimately fit together....they complete the puzzle. So it takes courage...courage on the part of a man to be "the man"...and the woman to let him be the man...and stay true to being "the woman."
I pray today for courage for men to be men and women to be women today. Then we will see more of the intimate fit that God designed for man and woman. Praying God will help me in this endeavor as well.
If I made you angry....my intent was not to insult or injury you...but to tell you that there is hope in God's design of who men and women are to be. And I pray for your wounded hearts and despairing spirits...for I too have worn those wounds on my own skin during my life. But I know for me...I will return to these written words in these books as long as it takes to be the woman God designed and support the man God has placed in my life....it is that important to my core being.
I love you all.
Lorrie

Beauty, Bravery and a four letter word...

So today I find myself stuck at home. My right shoulder giving me great pain today...to the point where last night I had to admit that I couldn't work..and had to take the day off...not a normal course of action for me...my work ethic that I grew up with is very strong..do your best every day...suffer through the toughest days..and be responsible...so it is in the part of being responsible that I am home today...because if I don't take care of myself...then I do myself a disservice. Being whole as a woman means acknowledging my weaknesses as well as my strengths...and not being ashamed of my weaknesses...but not using them as an excuse for poor behavior either. So here I sit..nursing my shoulder..reading my book and now satisfying the ache in my heart to write. Thank God that this morning upon awakening, I was able to lift my arm up about half way...which means that I can sit here in front of my computer and write! Yea!!
If you have been a reader of my blogs and prior to this blog...of my email messages...you know that I am definately a book lover...sometimes I read for pleasure...some humerous, some light, and some deep with emotion. I also read for gaining wisdom and truth. Most of that comes from the Word of God...the Bible...but I do have people that I read. Their books are full of wisdom,truth and even encouragement and healing. I think I gave a list of some of those books and authors in a previous blog...including the book I am currently read..."Fight like a Girl..The power of being a Woman" by Lisa Bevere. I believe I also mentioned that this book is not a book for a feminist...and I am not a feminist. This book is a celebration and encouragement for women to be the women God created them to be. It includes chapters of womanhood, mothering, men, love, relationships and marriage...but its underlaying message is about truly believing that our Great God in Heaven is deeply in love with His children...His sons and daughters...and how to embrace and live in that love...and in every part of our lives. As I read this book my heart leaps for great joy! The feminine heart that God created inside me, that has always yearned to be lived out loud..finds joy in this book. For the past few years I have been going through this transformation from being a woman of this world...to being a woman after God's own heart..and letting that carry over into every element of my life. I love not having to be a man in this world anymore...and being transparent and real as a woman..a woman who has a depth to her heart and soul.
So as I was reading today in this book I was touched by a few paragraphs that I was reading. I found myself literally exclaiming outloud....YES YES YES... that is right..those are the struggles and fears we women have...but those are also the glorious qualities we women also possess and want to walk in.
Taking a break from reading for a short period...I checked some emails and found some online messages I get from Ransomed Heart ministries...John Eldridge..who has written some incredible books on men and who they are...what they were created for. Him and his wife Stasi also wrote a book called Captivating...a book on who they were created to be...they were written to be read by both men and women...after reading these books I had a new found respect and admiration for men...and I no longer continued to view them as someone who hurts, lies and leaves. Yeah!!! Well I read the last couple of days of messages...and really felt that it wasn't a coincidence that these messages and the chapter I was reading in the book were dealing with some of the same messages. So I have decided to post some excerpts of the book and the messages on this blog. I think everyone who reads them will find themself in the message in some way...
The title of my blog today is Beauty, Bravery and a four letter word...well that word is love. Women, we have such a responsibility with this word. The power of our words can bring love or shatter it. Okay...I will just post the messages...and let the power of those words settle into your spirit.

Excerpts from the book...Fight like a Girl
Lisa Bevere writes:
Everything of value in this life carries with it some form of risk. There is the threat of losing control and the curse of failure, but there is no fear in love. Why? Love can never fail. Therefore, when love is found, it should be protected at all cost. It should be the driving force behind all we do. Once we have love, it cannot be separated rom us without causing great injury. I realize that I am painting a picture of what should be rather than what often is. But in this picture, I believe you will glimpse the power of what could be and move from the domain of disappointment to the realm of hope.
Once love is openly declared, there is no going back. This happens between a man and a woman as well as between Christ and His beloved bride. For with Him, there is no coming back from the promise of the love that propelled Him to risk it all. (she is referring to Christ). I know men in their many frail and human forms of father, brother, boyfriend and husband may have disappointed you, but God cannot. It is not possible for Him to fail you. Men love, but God IS love.
If we are to move beyond survival in our human relationships, we must allow our hearts to remain open to the transforming power of love.
Lisa poses some questions that I believe all of us women have asked, done or wondered about...
Do we women seek to be men because we long for what they alone can bring to our lives? In our desperation, have we forgotten that by becoming THEIR piece of the puzzle, we have lost the intimate fit? While we were so busy coaching them on how to be men, did we forget what it was to be women? Are we afraid they will so profoundly fail us that we will not entrust them with the gifts of our love and strength? What can we ever hope to gain by withholding what we were made to give so freely? Must we rob them of their words and take control merely because we are afraid that if we are not speaking we will not be heard? Are we still so frightened that we seek to control so we will not again be hurt?
She continues...
It is when we learn to love fearlessly that we will find ourselves loved perfectly. Those around you may not magically change, but you will. You will be free again. The world trembles before the woman who chooses to fearlessly love. Love is not only one of the weapons and forces women fight with; love is their domain to protect. Like the Word of God, it is both our sword and our promise.
As guardians of the heart, women have the amazing power to strengthen and encourage others. As we extend this gift, we cannot help but be raised ourselves. How does this happen? We lift others by speaking strength to their weaknesses. I am not asking you to embrace denial or ignore flaws or weaknesses you see. I am asking you to not engage them in conversation. Rather than conversing about what is wrong, I am challenging you to take your gift of words and strengthen the weak places.
The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands. ( Proverbs 14:1)
There is contrast evident here: we can build with our words or tear down with our hands. Hands represent what we do in our natural abilities. This would include criticism and nagging. Wise women understand that death and life are released throug the power of the tongue, and therefore they choose their words wisely. Men and women often need to be affirmed in different ways and areas. Women want to be loved and understood, while men need to be respected and admired.

I will stop there with the excerpts...so you can just ponder what was said.
Here are the other posts... on Beauty, Bravery and Romance...
What Beauty Speaks 11/16/2008
We need what Beauty speaks. What it says is hard to put into words. But part of its message is, all is well. All will be well.Beauty invites. Recall what it is like to hear a truly beautiful piece of music. It captures you; you want to sit down and just drink it in. We buy the CD and play it many times over. (This is not visual, showing us that beauty is deeper than looks.). Music like this commands your attention, invites you to come more deeply into it. The same is true of a beautiful garden, or a scene in nature. You want to enter in, explore, partake of it. Feast upon it. We describe a great book as “captivating” also. It draws you in, holds your attention. You can’t wait to get back to it, spend time with it. All of the things that God wants of us. All of the things a woman wants, too. Beauty invites.Beauty nourishes. It is a kind of food our souls crave. A woman’s breast is among the loveliest of all God’s works, and it is with her breast she nourishes a baby – a stunning picture of the way in which Beauty itself nourishes us. In fact, a woman’s body is one of the most beautiful of all God’s creations. “Too much of eternity,” as Blake said, “for the eye of man.” It nourishes, offers life. That is such a profound metaphor for Beauty itself. As Lewis said, We do not want merely to see beauty, though, God knows, even that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words—to be united with the beauty we see, to pass into it, to receive it into ourselves, to bathe in it, to become part of it. (The Weight of Glory)Beauty comforts. There is something profoundly healing about it. Have you ever wondered why we send flowers to the bereaved? In the midst of their suffering and loss, only a gift of beauty says enough, or says it right. After I lost my dearest friend Brent, there were months where only beauty helped. I could not hear words of counsel. I could not read or even pray. Only beauty helped. It soothes the soul. There’s a touching story told from the hospitals of WWII, where a young and badly wounded soldier was brought in from a hellish week of fighting. After doing what she can for him, the nurse asks if there is anything else she can do. “Yes,” he said. “Could you just put on some lipstick while I watch?” Beauty comforts.Beauty inspires. After beholding all the marvelous wonders of the creation of Narnia (as told in The Magician’s Nephew by C.S. Lewis), the cabbie says, “Glory be!” “I’d have been a better man all my life if I’d known there were things like this!” Or as Jack Nicholson says to Helen Hunt at the end of As Good as it Gets, “You make me want to be a better man.” Isn’t it true? Think of what it might have been like to have been in the presence of a woman like Mother Teresa. Her life was so beautiful, and it called us to something higher. (Captivating, 38-40)

Bravery 11/15/2008
Warriors are strong (or valiant), the word of God lives in them, and they have overcome the Evil One. That’s good. To cultivate this in a young man (and in ourselves as older men), it might help to think along three lines: Bravery, Conviction, and an Epic Story. Winston Churchill believed that courage was the foremost of all virtues, because he saw that all other virtues depend on it. It takes courage to love, because we all know loving means you will be hurt. Repeatedly. It takes courage to have faith, because we all know that your faith will be sorely tested. It takes courage to be honest, and so on. there are several types of bravery—physical, emotional, and spiritual. Read any biographical account of battlefield heroes, or heroes of any kind, and what stands out is their physical bravery. Hal Moore as the first to step on, and the last to step off, the field in the Ia Drang Valley in Vietnam. The firemen who ran up the stairs of the World Trade Center while everyone else was running down. Physical bravery is cultivated in great part by adventure, and sports, by intentionally putting yourself in dangerous situations. Emotional bravery is developed in most cases of physical bravery, for he will have to master fear, but it is also formed when a young man takes risks in relationships. It might mean risking embarrassment by making a speech in front of a class. It might mean risking rejection by making a new friend, or confronting a good friend on some issue. It will require him to leave a party when the kids start doing things they shouldn’t be doing. He will need emotional bravery in large measure when he enters into marriage, for Adam’s paralysis seizes many a man when he finds himself in the mysterious interior of a woman’s soul. The important thing in cultivating emotional bravery is helping the boy learn not to quit, teaching him to rise above setbacks and heartbreaks. Spiritual bravery is cultivated when we take risks of faith. This is the greatest bravery, as far as I’m concerned. Think of the many martyrs, like Polycarp going to his execution. He had been warned in a vision that he would be burned at the stake, but he would not let fear seize him. Refusing to confess Caesar as Lord, the old saint went to his death willingly, even to the point of telling his tormentors it would not be necessary to nail him to the stake, that he would remain there by the grace of God. For he heard a voice from heaven say, “Play the man,” and play the man he did. (The Way of The Wild Heart , 162, 163)
Longing for Romance 11/17/2008
We are made for intimacy with God, not just knowledge about him. There comes a time in the life of every believer when propositional truth is no longer enough. It will always remain central, the foundation for our faith. And sometimes it is all we have, and we can run far and long on it. But women long for romance. We are wired for it; it’s what makes our hearts come alive. The path of our restoration as women, the healing of our feminine hearts, that path takes us into a deeper experience of God and his Lover’s love for us. A woman becomes beautiful when she knows she’s loved. We’ve seen this many times – you probably have, too. Cut off from love, rejected, no one pursuing her, something in a woman wilts like a flower no one waters anymore. She withers into resignation, duty and shame. The radiance of her countenance goes out, like a light that has been turned off. But this same woman, whom everyone thought was rather plain and unengaging, she becomes lovely and inviting when she is pursued. Her heart begins to come alive, come to the surface, and her countenance becomes radiant. We wonder, “Where has she been all these years? Why – she really is captivating.” Think of Fran in Strictly Ballroom, or Tulah in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Remember Lottie in Enchanted April, Adrian in Rocky or Danielle in Ever After. Their beauty was always there. What happened was merely the power of romance releasing her true beauty, awakening her heart. She has come alive. This doesn’t need to wait for a man. God longs to bring this into your life himself. He wants to heal us through his love to become mature women who actually know him. He wants us to experience verses like, “Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her” (Hosea 2:14). And “You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride.” (Song of Songs 4:9) Our hearts are desperate for this. What would it be like to experience for yourself that the truest thing about his heart toward yours is not disappointment or disapproval but deep, fiery, passionate love? This is, after all, what a woman was made for. (Captivating 112-113)

God's best for you all!
Lorrie

I AM Woman...hear me whisper....

When I was a little girl, growing up in the relaxed city of Sioux Falls SD...I had to learn to move between the elements of city life and country life...better yet....ranch life. When I was about 5 years old my mother remarried and my new dad owned approximately 45 plus horses. Yeah...that is a lot of horses. I was a pretty typical little girl...loved to play with Barbies and dress up, but when we would go out to the ranch...I learned to become a cow girl. Most women today would voice great disdain at the word cow girl...trying to find another more PC version...well I was a cow girl...not a boy. So I don't mind the phrase at all. You will understand why as you read. My step dad put great expectations upon my mother, sister and I about what we should be able to do when we were out at the horses. Often times I would hear my mother yelling at my dad to stop yelling at us girls...that we weren't boys or men and we didn't have the strength that men or boys do. That was and is true. If you are reading this and have embraced the Feminist movement blindly...then I just ticked you off. Maybe you want to stop reading this right now...because I have more to say about being a woman...and a radical feminist is going to highly offended by what I am writing and believing. Continuing on here....having heard this exchange many times between my parents...I(Lorrie) being the oldest, took it upon myself to try and be tough and strong like a boy, so that I would gain favor from my dad. It kinda worked for a few years...until I began to physically develop into a woman. I got all the curves that a woman was suppose to have. Let's just say...I had it where it counted and boys and men took notice. Here was my struggle. Although I was working very hard to be a boy...deep inside I was definitely a girl. So the raging fight was born inside me. At 12 I stopped trying to be "the son by dad wanted", and embraced being a girl. Funny thing was that I could still ride better than most kids, yes...I was one of the best riders in the area...even better than many adults...no that isn't conceit...it just came naturally...a gift. Anyway...I could still drive a tractor and throw 50-70 pound bales of hay onto the flatbed trailer. I could ride at break neck speed and steer bolting cattle where they needed to go. And every night when we would return home to our house in the city...I was a girl. I loved dancing, singing, and cooking. I cried at happy endings, sad endings and when someone made me really angry....and I still do today! :) I loved wearing dresses, and pretty things in my hair. I learned how to set a fancy table and what etiquette and charm was...something that today seems of no value to most people. The more I grew into a woman, the more my dad hated it. NO..this isn't a message on the dysfunction of my step dad...just a little background for what I have to say. My mother attempted to counter any of my dad's attacks by raising us girls to be "independent" and to only rely on ourselves. Yet that definitely didn't sit well with my feminine heart inside me. I loved romance and tales of true love. The stories of the Knight rescuing the Maid...only I didn't gravitate to the stories of the helpless maids...I loved the stories where the woman was a woman of strong character and when the Knight fought and won her...they made a powerful union. He was the man...and all that a man was meant to be...and she was the woman...beautiful in who she was meant to be. Life in my world didn't demonstrate that much. Then you add in the Feminist movement, and although a little good came out of that...a whole lot of bad happened because of that movement. Women forgot how important they were as women. Men were not needed as men.
A number of years ago I read a book by Tom Brokaw called the Greatest Generation. I read this book right after I became a paramedic. Here I was working in a career mainly dominated by men. I was referred to as either a Lesbian or a slut because I was trying to do a "man's" job. Only when the guys got to know me did they realize that here was a real woman who wasn't trying to be a man, but loved being a woman doing the job along side them. I totally recognized my limitations physically in the job. Duh...it is not physically possible for me to be as strong as most men...and I am completely okay with that!!! But once again I was straddling two worlds of expectations. In my marriage I had become the dominate one occasionally because my husband had his own issues with making decisions. When I made one for him because it had to be done...I paid for it in ridicule and battery. All I really wanted to be in my marriage was the woman! Unfortunately, because I was raised to be a stronger, independent woman, our roles in the marriage were very damaged. I dreamed of being respected and loved...you know... the love that God says that a man should have for his wife...as Christ loved the church...in other words...willing to defend me to the end....never happened. When the marriage was over, I raised my fist and said...I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR! But that wasn't really sitting well in my heart and soul either. About that time I happened to read the book The Greatest Generation...and cried a lot through it...no..it isn't sappy..not a mushy book...not a chick book...but it was a reminder of what I believed men and women should be...and I was sad because I didn't see that very much. I talked a lot about the book to my friends...and most of them didn't get what I was talking about. The Feminist movement that came about after World War II changed a lot for men and women. I believe it made it harder for us to be men and women. The men and women God designed us to be. So in the past several years I have been trying to balance the responsibility of being a single mom...having to "handle" everything that goes wrong...with being a woman who wants to be treasured and valued. I can't tell you the gallons of tears I have cried when I have had car problems. Yes I learned in high school how to change a tire, and put on windshield wipers...but that was it...when you are alone and the car falls apart...I bawl my eyes out...saying..."I don't get why I have to be tough and "handle" this...I am a woman...I feel! But being alone...I have had to suck it up and have courage and muddle through. Same situation in my home. The first few years as a single mom...I tried to be mom and dad for Lindsey. I stopped doing that a couple years ago...I can only raise her to be a woman. And that is a GOOD THING!
Our society has really destroyed the value of being a man or a woman. Being equal in the eyes of society has wrecked destruction on being a man and being a woman. God designed and created us wonderfully different to come together and be a union...strong together yet unique in our own ways. The character of a man and what defines him is not the same as a woman...or God would have just made men. The character of a woman and what defines her is not the same as a man or God would have destroyed man after He made woman and only had women on His earth...and that didn't happen....He created MAN and WOMAN....for each other...to compliment and cover the strengths and weaknesses of both. So that has been my ongoing struggle over the past few years...how to be the woman God created me to be and still survive in a world that doesn't value gender differences...that views gender differences as a weakness that must be overcome. It makes me want to scream!!!!!!!
I am currently reading a book that radical Feminists would want burned! It is called How to Fight Like a Girl...The Power of Being a Woman...by Lisa Bevere. Nope....it is in no way, shape or form a man bashing book...or I wouldn't be reading it! I value men...I like men!! It is a book reminding woman of the value we have as a woman created by God to be a woman after God's won heart.
I, a woman, have been beautifully and wonderfully made...a woman...made for the deep and not the shallow!
Here is an excerpt of the book that explains my last sentence:

Made for the Deep, Not the Shallow
(Lisa Bevere writes...)
Believe me, there have been many occasions when I have questioned God's sense of wisdom on this one. There have been times when I felt I was much better equipped to play the role of the dominant and outspoken male rather than the more demure and subdued female. There have even been times when I wanted to distance myself from the whole dynamic of female because of the petty politics and gossip rampant in groupings of females. I feared if I befriended females, I would risk being swallowed up in their world of pink fluff and superficial conversations. Despising all the weaknesses I associated with the female gender, I leaned toward the male dynamic. But then a question arose within me. Perhaps what I rejected as "female fluff" was never originally part of the female DNA. Perhaps I did not like the passive aggressive behavior for a reason. Maybe I was meant as a woman to despise all the focus on looks and namedropping because I was originally made not for the shallow, but for the deep. Perhaps I had mistaken the quiet woman for the weak. Maybe there were times when more could be heard in a woman's whisper than a man's shout.
There is an amazing combination found when you marry strength with beauty, authority with wisdom, male with female. It was always God's idea.....two with one heart. Together, we realize a multiplication of our strengths.

(She goes on to write)
The man's strength was never meant to be used against woman, but for her. Superior strength was given to men to protect and provide for the women in their lives. This strength was never meant to be an instrument of dominion or abuse. Weak, confused, powerless men abuse women.

She spends the next several chapters talking about the wonders of man...and how awesome God made them to be!!! I agree completely with that too!
So what if I have to fight against the whole world...and the feminists...I am a woman...beautifully and preciously made by God...hear me whisper.
Lorrie Michelle Durbin

Great Wisdom from the hearts of the women in my life

I know that many of you receive my blog by email and so many have expressed the desire for more messages. I am deeply touched by your desire to read and listen to anything I have to say. I am just a woman who has some incredible friends whom I trust and rely on for love and support. Many of my friends also write blogs, and I am often truly blessed by what they write as well. Sometimes what I write here is in relation to something they themselves have written about. I truly believe that it is God at work. It isn't a coincidence when you read some of your friends writings, devotions that I subscribe to and my daily readings in scripture and the subject is all connected together with each other. I see that as God speaking in a big way into the hearts of all of us. Today I was reading the blogs of my friends and found such a moment.
Many of my messages (before I went to this blog format) were born out of the scriptures and books that God was placing before me. My ability to surrender to God completely and trust in Him came out of many moments where His presence in my life was my only life line. Once that came about, He poured His love into me by reminding me through His word and the books I was reading. The list of books is long...but so cherished....Books like:
Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
Wild at Heart by John Eldredge (about discovering the secret of a man's soul)
The Heartache No One Sees by Sheila Walsh (this book was the turning point in my life to becoming a beautiful woman again.)
Do You Think I Am Beautiful by Angela Thomas...( a single mom of 4 kids struggling to trust God in all things including who she is as a woman.)
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman (what an eye opener into how I love and recognizing who others love)
When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas (encouraging me to continue in holding onto hope of some day finding love through the intimate relationship with God.)
The Beautiful Ache by Leigh McLeroy ( showing me where God is when dreams don't come true.)
Your Scars are Beautiful to God by Sharon Jaynes ( reminding me of how precious I am to God and to embrace my scars along the journey of life and to move forward with hope in my heart.)
Recently I just finished reading :
The 5 Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman
Boundaries Face to Face by Dr. John Townsend (how to have that difficult conversation you've been avoiding)
And of course then there are the scriptures God gave me to share.
Well, today God showed me a reminder of His love, and examples of how to love. I guess Love is the word of the day...now I am not just mentioning Love in the context of romantic love...I am talking about all loves.
When I was getting ready to travel to Ukraine, the three of us woman who were going put out heads together and decided to put on a women's conference with the women of the church in our village. We wanted to bless and encourage them. The three of us settle on three topics. Karen spoke on Faith. Mavis spoke on Hope. Which left Love for me to speak on. I was overwhelmed at this assignment from God. I had struggled my whole life with that word. Truly believing most of my life that I was unloveable. But God is bigger...and in the last 5 years He restored my faith not only in Him but in love. So here was my opportunity to share this with women thousands of miles from my little life here in Forest Lake. The scriptures God placed on my heart were as follows:
Jeremiah 31:3...The Lord appeared to us from afar saying,
I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with everlasting kindness."

Isaiah 54: 10
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed,
yet only my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace by removed
says the Lord who has compassion on you.

Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God is with you
He is mighty to save
He will take great delight in you
He will quiet you with His love
He will rejoice over you with song.

I thought I was going there to share with these women about love and walking in love...but what God did was show me that love can cross language, culture and distance. At the end of my little message, I was overcome with emotion at how much I loved these women...many of them elderly...and I placed my hand over my heart and then drew it out to them and shouted "I LOVE YOU!!" And these women instantly did the same back to me. I was touched and will never be the same ever. Every time I saw any of these women, regardless of where we were...they would hug me and shout..."I love you!" I left some of my heart in Ukraine several days later when we left to return home. I have struggled with that experience since I have been home. Most of the time I can't even get words out before I crumble into tears. And yes...the tears are present now. But my heart and soul is warm. So today as I read Amanda's blog and Jennifer's journal...I was compelled to share some of my experiences on love as well. Both of these women are special in my life. Amanda is my best girlfriend and Jennifer's life was altered and devastated the day a criminal decided to run her husband (Officer Shawn Silvera) down and kill him. Shawn was one of the officers in our service area and I had the priviledge to interact with him on many occasions. Both of these women's stories are filled with great and deep heartache and devastation...and in the midst of this...they gripped tight the hand of our Lord and although they question life at times...they continue to hold on to Him. I am blessed that I have them in my life. Unfortunately it was at a great price that Jennifer was brought into my life. I have spoken with her a few times...but I read her continually. She wears life on her skin. As does Amanda...as I do as well. I life to think of it as being transparent in this life...truly be real.
If you look on my blog you will find Amanda's blog...it is the one in Italian. And Jennifer's is there as well. But I decided to include a writing of Jennifer's for you all...and for me. It is listed below.
It is with absolute trust in my Lord that I shout today..."I LOVE YOU!" to each of you!
Lorrie Michelle Durbin






Live the Questions Now
“I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves...Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now...the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.” —Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926), excerpt from Letters to a Young Poet
Okay…it’s not often that I will ever tell my readers what they must do. But, please if you are reading my blog today…please print the quote above and tape it somewhere for at least a week. Read it over and over until you are convinced.
Doesn’t this fit us all? Don’t we all walk around this world with some type of unresolved question or hurt inside of us?
Don’t search for the answers. What breathing space this gives us.
Love the questions themselves. What strength this gives us.
Live the questions now. What permission this gives us.
Live everything. What life this gives us!



Isn't that awesome!! Love, Lorrie

To My Heroes

This is a poem I wrote while Matthew was deployed to Iraq two years ago...this is my tribute to my heroes!!!!
A Soldier's mother's heart runs very deep.
Lorrie


My Soldier

Dedication to (for all those who have and will serve.)
Hero,courageous and mighty.
Noble and faithful to the cause.
Heart beating with conviction.
Hunter ready for the kill.
My soldier.
Hunted,cold and hungry.
Stalked by pain and suffering.
Fear chills your bones.
Rage boils your blood.
My soldier.
Haunted, broken and bleeding.
Eyes shadowed and stark.
Lost in hell.
Desolation sinks into your soul.
My soldier.
Hero, hunted and haunted,
Here's my love shining bright.
Cling to me and I will bring you home.
My soldier, let me heal you.

LorrieDurbin

How You Live

Good Morning everyone...yep it is not evening 0730 AM and I am up writing. I woke up about an hour ago...with songs playing in my head...yes...that does happen to me often...that is what happens when you are a singer and song is anchored deep into your heart and soul. So I turn off some music...this morning was the newer CD from Point of Grace. I love their harmonies...probably because my favorite way to sing is in harmony...for some reason God blessed me with the ability to hear the harmony tones in a song and sing them, sometimes before I can even learn the words I am humming the harmony of a song. I am thankful for that gift...and try to use it to give God glory...hope someday I will hear Him say...You did well with what I asked of you!
Anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyy...last night I wrote a little blog about seeing beauty...and that we are all beautiful...all the words pouring from the deep wells in my heart. This morning, I am compelled to write again...wow!!! I hear daily the difficulties people are facing today. I see the struggles, the heartaches and the disappointments. I feel them on my own skin as well. But I can't seem to shake this one song....so I am sending it to you all...someone needed to hear the words...and I truly know it wasn't just placed on my heart for me alone.

HOW YOU LIVE
(verse 1)
Wake up to the sunlight with your windows open,
Don't hold in your anger or leave things unspoken.
Wear your red dress,
Use your good dishes,
Make a big mess and make lots of wishes.
And have what you want but want what you have.
And don't spend your life looking back.

(Chorus)
Turn up the music,
Turn it up loud.
Take a few chances,
Let it all out.
'Cause you won't regret it looking back from where you have been.
'Cause it's not who you knew,
And it's not what you did,
It is how you live.

(verse 2)
So go to the ball games and go to the ballet.
Go see your folks more than just on the holidays.
Kiss all your children,
Dance with your wife.
Tell your husband you love him every night.
Don't run from the truth, 'cause you can't get away.
Just face it and you'll be okay.

(bridge)
Oh, wherever you are and wherever you've been,
Now is the time to begin.
So give to the needy and pray for the grieving
Even when you don't think that you can.
'Cause all that you do is bound to come back to you,
So think of your fellow man.
And make peace with God and make peace with yourself.
'Cause in the end there's nobody else....
Cause it's not who you knew and it's not what you did..
It's how you live.



Don't miss out on life....don't miss out on love...don't miss out on God....take the chances to live even in the midst of the challenges of life...the heartaches of love and the mystery of God....
God's peace and love to you all...
Live your life through your heart and soul dear hearts!!
Lorrie Michelle Durbin

The Beautiful

Over the last few years I have found myself getting a little outraged by what society labels as beautiful. Today we are mislead by the propaganda of the news media, entertainment culture and the elite wealthy about what beauty is, who is beautiful and how you can get beauty. It is ridiculous and irresponsible to allow the "world" to dictate to us what beauty is.
When I was growing up, I believed a lie someone told me about myself and instantly the reflection of myself in the mirror became altered. When I look at pictures of me as a little girl I have often been surprised at what a beautiful child I was. I remember being the child who was always daydreaming...off somewhere on a little adventure . I remember that most of those day dreams where actually times of being caught up in admiration of the many beautiful things around me. Yes,....I usually got in trouble for day dreaming. Whether it was by my parents or teachers...most adults felt it necessary to "Bring me back to reality". I was thinking about this today while sitting in the front of the ambulance covering for another service. I found myself remembering times when my mother would come outside of our home to find me laying on the front yard gazing at the sky...and it didn't matter if it was spring, summer, winter or fall. She always asked me..."What are you doing...." and I would answer 'just looking". She would just shake her head and try to redirect me into doing something else. I am sure there were times she probably thought something just wasn't quite right with me....here she had a child who loved to day dream. But I wasn't just dreaming...I was seeing . I was seeing all the beauty in my little world. From the many different colors of blue in the sky (because the sky isn't just one color of blue...lay on the grass sometime and watch the blue sky for awhile...you will see!), to the crayon box of colors of leaves on the trees in the fall. Those times where incredible!! What a peace and joy I felt. Looking back at those times today I found myself thinking about how sad it is that we are too busy to notice those things now. And I am not just talking about us adults....children today rarely have the time to see the amazing beauty of our world because they are so busy doing activities. I believe that when I suffered what I thought was the loss of my beauty that day so very long ago...that I became a studier of the beauty around me...as if in an attempt to figure out how to become beautiful again. It took until I was 42 years old. Now don't get me wrong...many people over all those years would tell me I was cute or nice looking. But what I saw in the mirror every day was someone NOT beautiful....and cute and nice looking is not the same as beautiful. Everyday since I was 42 I have seen beauty in my mirror. My world is once again a place filled with day dreams and color. So today, as I was basking in the sunshine streaming into the cab of the ambulance, and felt the embrace of the heat from the sun, I was reminded again to day dream...to look at the beauty around me...to not listen to what society tells me is beauty...but to just look at the magnificent world around me....all the colors, all the sounds, all the things that touch and effect us....all beautifully made. I am truly thankful for all those years of daydreaming...I saw the little details of creation that make things beautiful...and it filled me with a yearning to find my beauty again....and I did.
I yearn for more moments of daydreaming. Days spent sitting in the woods listening to the whisper of the leaves, and marveling at the multitude of color making up the grass. Nights spent lying on my back, watching the sky pop with light...if you look long enough you will notice that the stars are not just white...there are other colors.....sunsets over mountains and oceans...and the smell of dusk settling in to night. That is beauty. When we take all of those things in, when we treasure those tiny moments of beauty...it makes a lasting imprint on our hearts and souls...and we shine even brighter. Take a moment to look in the mirror. Don't focus on the wrinkles, or acne or gray hair or any of the other things you believe to make you imperfect. Look at the color of your eyes. No one else in the world has the same color as you...sure there are people with blue eyes or brown or green...but there are tiny flecks of light in those colors that make your eyes unique. Look at the color of your lips...no one has the exact color or shape of your lips. What about your hair...the colors, the texture, the feel....and that goes for those who have less hair than others too....or more gray hair than others...not one strand is exactly the same color as another...there is nothing boring about any of us...we are all beautifully made. Who says you have to find beauty in a magazine or on TV or the movies....it is in the very world around you and in you every single day.
So don't look so strangely at me when I comment on your beauty.,...you see I have had years of watching the beauty in this world...I know beauty when I see it...every little facet of it!
Lorrie Michelle Durbin

Do I Even Make Sense?????

Today is November 9th, 2008. It is Sunday afternoon here in Forest Lake Mn. It has been quite a day so far today. I am sitting here in front of my computer wondering if I even make sense. Sense about what you are wondering??? About me. Let me give you a little run down about today and the thoughts I have pondered, and the feelings I have struggled with today.
I got up this morning at 0500 bright and early. I felt a tug in my heart..hm...what is that about...not sure..but I knew that I felt close to tears. As one who believes in the power of the Holy Spirit, I paused...wondering if I was being led to pray about something or someone. My thoughts turned to Judi and the Outreach in Ukraine..so I prayed for God to move mightily in the Outreach...but the tug was still there. I wondered about it while letting the hot water comfort me in the shower. Okay...what is this tug. Could I be feeling a tug because of my kids??? After a quick analysis..nope...that wasn't it. Hmmmm...dressing for church...I felt drawn to the gorgeous Ukrainian scarf that Judi gave me before leaving Ukraine. Yep...I was going to bring it and wear it with my leather jacket...the purples in the scarf didn't match the purple in my blouse...but when I tried to take it off...I lost the feeling of warmth it had been giving me and I felt a chill and I wrapped the scarf around me once again. Out the door to church. It was dark and cold...yet as I drove to church I felt warm...singing will do that to you...and I was full of song this morning...so by the time I was at church my vocal chords were well oiled. Still the tug. It felt like a wrenching in my heart. As I looked over the music we were singing for worship, I could feel the tears stinging my eyes. Hmmmm...so this was a God thing. Okay...what??? Then I looked at the run down sheet that listed the songs we were singing...at the top was the sentence...International Day of Prayer for the Persecuted Church. Oh. No wonder I was so drawn to the scarf. Sure it probably does sound weird to some...but I really believe that God speaks to us and tries to get our attention. My thoughts turned to my precious loved ones in Ukraine. Singing today was such an emotional thing for me. Tears were stinging my eyes frequently. Yet, in the midst of my heart wrenching for the millions who love Jesus and are persecuted, beaten, raped, killed or imprisoned, I was also smiling about the joy I have in my heart about how God is blessing me now. I am so thankful for what God has , is and continues to do in my life. So you would think that the tug would have gone away, right? Not remotely. I am driving home from church and have to stop at Target for something and as I am driving, my thoughts turn to my book. No...not the one I am reading. The one I was writing. Yep...shortly after I started flying for North AirCare, I started writing a book...my life...what God was doing...what heartaches I was overcoming...and the new joys and hopes that I was discovering. Well, I didn't finish the book...I had come to the chapter dealing with Matthew's deployment to Iraq...and since he was still there...I wasn't about to write about him until he was home safe and sound. He came home, I didn't finish the book. So why were my thoughts turning to that stupid book that I gave up on writing? What gives??? Could it be that I was still feeling the emotions from the night before when I was talking about that deployment? I had actually talked about it a little and when I could feel the emotions creeping up...subject change...whew. Was it possible that the thoughts on the book had more to do with those feelings that resurfaced last night...hmmm...more to think about. After leaving Target, I found myself suddenly thinking about my poetry. I haven't written anything since Matthew had left for Iraq. Yet it wasn't the soldier poem that I was thinking about. It was another one...a very sad one. It was called Shattered. I wrote on poetry . com occasionally. Often times it was a way to work through a tough time, or a tough call. Many people have read them and not quite understood them...thinking I was always writing about relationships...that was far from the case...often it had to do with life, love and God. And not just about me...sometimes I wrote about the terrible things I saw in my job. Anyway...I found myself searching the depths of my mind to recall the words to this poem. I wondered as I was driving .... is this tug in my heart because I feel like the words in my poem??? Nope...that wasn't it...so what was up with this tug, the scarf, the reminder of my book that is unfinished, and the poem Shattered???? Here is the poem by the way:


Shattered
It used to stand high on a hill for all to enjoy.
A tower of beauty, radiant and vibrant.
All who gazed upon it were filled with awe and wonder.
A beacon of hope, steady and strong.
Shattered by a single stone thrown carelessly at its base.
A heap of rubble, ugly and broken.
Will no one help rebuild it?
I weep for all that's lost.

Lorrie Michelle Durbin

Yeah I know...kinda a dark poem. Well it isn't about what you might think....it isn't about my marriage that ended...it wasn't written in regards to any relationship I had experienced. I wrote this poem about dreams. The dreams that people have. Not the ones that you have while sleeping. The ones that God places in the depths of your heart..the ones that you yearn to have fulfilled. I wrote this about people who watch their dreams shatter...no...sorry it wasn't just about me...it was about everyone. Sure I have had my dreams shattered a time or two...or a hundred...but it was written thinking about people who become broken and damaged by the loss of their dreams. So...what does that have to do with everything I have written so far...I don't think I know yet. That is why I am wondering if I even make sense. So let's see if I can find the point or points God is trying to make here.
First of all..the mission trip to Ukraine changed me. It opened my heart up to be broken...a heart break of loving people that lived with so little and had suffered so greatly. Thus the tug about the scarf...God telling me to remember them , to always be the real me and never forget the lessons learned there.
Second of all, the book. Well, glancing through the chapters a short time ago...I found that I had changed in who I am from who I was in the book...I had grown, and become stronger and yet more transparent...I saw the trials God had brought me through and that He is always faithful...no matter what..God is faithful...and waiting for us to trust Him...very good! And I found myself thinking that I could probably start writing again..that there were more chapters to be written...and more could be said about my stories of life, love and hope. The tug to the book...reminding me that He has always been with me. And that He has more to add to the story of my life....more!!! That is an awesome word!!!
Thirdly, the remembering of my poem Shattered....a reminder that just because dreams can be damaged, broken or destroyed...it is better to have the hope to dream then to live in a land of a shattered life. My life isn't shattered. My life is precious and beautiful...just as I am precious and beautiful. Should any of us continue to dream, risking their destruction at any time??? YES!!! Because the story isn't over.
So have I made any sense?? Maybe...does it make sense to you?? Maybe, maybe not...but what I do know is this...I am beautiful, God has healed me from my heartaches, and my heart is still filled with the longings of those dreams deep within. Dreams I have for myself, for my friends, for my family here and my loved ones in Ukraine, for Winny ( my child that I support and pray for in Peru through Compassion Int'l), for my kids...and for those whom I love and those I will love. Maybe today's tugs were just a reminder from God that He isn't finished yet...and to keep dreaming.
Whew...got all that written...and now I am off for a nap.
Dreaming for us all!
Lorrie :)