Just to be clear...

I just wanted to take a moment to be clear about something when it comes to my blogs. I wrote the blog on the couple of books I have read from an enlightened perspective. Please understand that I was not using this blog to be critical of anyone ...especially in regards to my personal life. My quotes from the book..."He's just not that into you" wasn't written as a complaint in my personal life. I just chose an area of the book to write about...the book was really an interesting read. I got a kick out of it...and a very reminder of the differences between men and women..a good reminder. Dating is about getting to know someone better and to find out if the two of you are compatible for any type of future. But it is always good to be reminded of appropriate boundaries and rules for dating. I am one of those who enjoys learning and growth through reading. It allows me to weigh and judge information on a personal level without any emotional interference. Thus the reason I am reading the books. I also feel that I should take seriously my responsibilities in dating this man...and therefore...look for and overcome any issues I have held onto as baggage in my own life and past. Dating is definitely a roller coaster ride...filled with ups, downs, thrills and some scary moments...but isn't that what life is like as well...why not work to produce fruit in my dating relationships as well as the other areas of my life.
Thanks for listening.
Lorrie

Sometimes it takes the black on the white to make sense!

Well I am hoping this blog finds you all smiling from a wonderful Christmas weekend! I had a fabulous one!!! I spent it with loved ones and family in Sioux Falls...wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else. I was able to spend a really awesome time with my mother and sister!
On Saturday, I took a few hours to go to Barnes and Nobles and sit and read books off the shelf. I was there for about 2 hours...and got through two books. Yesssss....that is how fast I can read. I have been a skimming reader my whole life...and have always been able to retain all that I read...yea...I know people hate that...sorry.
So there I sat, reading a book my girlfriend Stacy mentioned I should read. Yea...if you are dating someone...read Boundaries in Dating by Dr Henry Cloud. I learned a lot...and got a lot of clarity of issues I had...and saw where I am constantly making the wrong choices....sometimes it takes a book to show you what others are telling you....it took the black of the print on the white of the pages to do this for me.
After that...I stumbled upon another book that someone had suggested I read...it is by Greg Behrendt called...He's just not that into you.....um..okay.........wow....I had nooooo clue!!!!!! And now I really get it.
Here is one of the excerpts from that book....
Excerpt - page 18: "... A man would rather be trampled by ele-phants that are on fire than tell you that he's just not that into you. ..."
From the book ...He's just not that into you by Greg Behrendt
Talk about a two by four to my head!!!! I am not always the smartest person...but I am not stupid either.
Now...this book isn't written from a christian perspective...but from a former...I am just not that into you ...guy. He lays out all the signs and symptoms of this kind of man...and the author doesn't have flattering things to say about the guys he is talking about in his book. He point blank calls these men...jerks...(okay that is not the word he used...it starts with an a and ends with the word hole....not my choice of words...the author's...sorry) and tells the woman...MOVE ON!!! Especially in this 21st century of technology where we have cell phones, texting, computers...facebook..you name it...the guy says if you are hearing the words "I was just really busy...and so I didn't get around to calling..." ect...it is the guy's way of saying..."Hey...you just are not that important...I don't want to be mean ....I still want to look like the nice guy here...but I am just not that into you." Only they are very uncomfortable about saying those things...so they give excuses. Greg Behrendt goes on to say...if a man wants something or someone...he will pursue it...and go for it aggressively...and make it a priority....hmmmm...good to know these things...filing that away for future reference...or maybe call it a TWO BY FOUR TO THE HEAD!! LOL LOL LOL LOL I really got a kick out of his book...it was really insightful....and when I ran it by my best guy friend Rob...pretty much right on the money!!!
Then I checked out a few other books and ended up buying them...one is called Safe People...How to find relationships that are good for you and avoid those that aren't..by Dr Henry Cloud..our church was doing this series and I wasn't able to take it....and so now I am reading the book. And it doesn't just focus on dating...it is about all types of relationships.
The next two books are by Michelle Mckinney Hammond....and when I skimmed through her books...I HAD to buy them..She is a Christian woman and the founder of HeartWing ministries...and she has some very specific things to say about the rules of dating...and about the compromises and mistakes women make in their relationships. She rocks.
Now I am not saying that everything in these books is the absolute truth...I am sure that there are exceptions to the situations given in the books. I truly believe that!
But....the books sure do make sense....and sometimes it takes the black on the white to make sense with me. Words are words...and actions can really speak louder than the words...and when the actions continue to contradict other actions and all the words....sometimes you have to see the truth through the written word. Obviously every situation is different...and not every woman and man are the same. I refuse to lump all men in a category...as well as lumping all women together as well. All I can do is apply these insights to my own life and see what happens.
Guess I have had a few two by fours to the head over the weekend....and I don't like it...so it is time to wise up!!!
This is my description of who I am listed in blue text below....
I am a woman who is passionate in her life. I am a woman who makes mistakes. I am a woman who has a deep heart and one that remains true to those she loves through the tough times and the joyous ones. I am a smart woman. I have integrity and character...but I am not perfect....nor do I want to be put on such a high pedestal that I have to walk on egg shells to be accepted, liked, dated or loved. I am a woman who believes in forgiveness and working things out and not running away from problems. I have stamina and endurance to walk through the tough times because I believe that it is important. I will not lead people on nor will I pretend to be someone I am not to impress someone. I have emotions...and sometimes...humanly..they get out of control...and I have to reel them back in...and always this is followed by a sincere apology and an attempt to make amends. I will not lie to you about how I feel about you...nor will I be a coward and not value you enough to come to you and talk. I believe in God...I believe in family ...and I believe in truth...and I believe in love. This is who I am...and I am flawed...just like everyone else...but I am still worthy of respect and love...and I will never settle for less. I look for the best in my family, friends and loved ones...and I will walk beside them when they lose their way or make mistakes. I dislike unfaithfulness, lies and cowards. I will not be a co dependent ever. I will not be a man. I am a woman..beautifully created by God. I am waiting.
( for those of you who recieve my blog by email..and have logged on recently..you will notice I removed a blog I posted a few days ago...and yes you did get it in your email. It was a personal moment of being accountable for the injuries I have caused someone. I chose to move it back into my draft folder so it was not available to the general public. It was a personal message and I appreciate all of you who commented on it!! AS of this writing...nothing has changed. No resolution has been found. I am saddened by this...but letting God show me my responsibility in this and the other person's. And I am letting go of the hurt. Thanks so much for all of you who read my blog! God bless!)
All my love always,
Lorrie

Recalling His Promises

I am writing very heavy hearted this morning. I don't really have an answer as to why yet...but I have had this heaviness in my heart for a couple of weeks. I have been waiting for it to disappear..but it remains. I fall asleep at night with tears on my cheeks...and do not know the complete reasoning why. I awake in the morning..and it is still there. Let me tell you something...I have thought about this situation many times throughout my days. I have reviewed my relationship with family, kids, close friends....all to find that except for a few things...all is well within my relationship with them. I also find that although I am still very much the real me...laughing, smiling...having fun...in the deepest place of my heart...there is a pain. It was really plaguing me last night. What is wrong!!!

As I crawled into bed last night the tears arrived right on time...and I layed there trying to pray...but nothing moved in my brain...no words formed ....no prayers ....just silence...and the weight of pain in my heart....that is when I found my voice...when it felt that the weight was about to overwhelm me...I cried..."I am scared Lord. I am sooo afraid. I don't know what to do." That was it. Fear. Let me tell you something...I have had to deal with a great deal of fear in my life and Praise God...overcome most of it...so you would think I would be a pro at recognizing fear when it was seizing my heart....not so much. It crept in very quietly...and set up shop before I even knew what was happening. So last night..I just prayed for God to give me direction and strength to continue and to battle this fear.

When I woke up and laid there in bed a few minutes...checking myself internally...yes...the weight was still there....okay...enough!!!! After getting Linds to school this morning, I sat down at my desk and reached for what I should have been reaching for all along! My bible. As I opened it...it flipped right open to a very very familiar page. It was the scripture God had given me 3 years ago. Isaiah 43: 18-19:
Do not remember the former things, Nor consider the things of old,
Behold I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth,
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

I just sat there this morning...and let this reminder wash over me. Who I am is not found in my job, in where I live, in who my friends are, in who I date, in being a mother....who I am is found in Christ Jesus. I felt like I had been away on a long journey and was finally home! Yep..got a little teary!!!
As I reread the message written for that scripture by TD Jakes in my bible...I was encouraged...
It reads:
Letting Go
Never forget how to let go. It may be a person, a thing or a moment that you can never repeat. Nothing challenges our ability to let go like death. It wrenches from our hands a loved one to whom we would cling forever if we could. When you stand over a casket that is being lowered into the ground, truth slaps you in the face. The person you loved is gone.
For Christians, death is a portal that enables us to move from one realm of existence into another. Eventually death will knock on the door no matter who we arel It helps a little to know that it will come. When in does, God will give you grace to accept what cannot be changed. That same grace will empower you as you learn to cope with changes among the living. Grace empowers us to continue and experience with God's help. Why don' t you ask Him for the grace you need to accept the things that you cannot change? When He gives it to you, get on with your life.
Each experience has its own value if you do not close your eyes to where you are, trying foolishly to be where you have already been. I know life can feel terribly unstable and vulnerable when you accept change. But I am so glad God ever remains the same. He is the stability that enables us to adjust to the variables of life.
If you recognize areas in your life where you have been guilty of resisting change, stop right where you are and allow God to cleanse your heart from the fear of change. Know in your spirit that something good is going to come out of it. Take it in stride and start planning ways you can enjoy where you are. Maybe you have been neglecting your children, husband or job. You want to go back to the past. But you are also missing the good things that God has prepared for you today.
Our faith teaches us to trust God. He doesn't change, but His methods of ministering to you will change over and over again. Do not worry. He will give you what you need when you need it. He may not bring it the same way twice. But why do you care how He does is as long as you know He does it? Leave the hows in the hands of the great One who is able to control the circumstances in your life. Repent of manipulating those with whom you associate. Let them go. You have no right to hold anyone a prisoner in the jail cell of your fears, not even yourself. Let yourself go. You have been imprisoned from what God wants to give you most, a new experience in Christ Jesus!

So as I read that message..it really spoke to my heart. All the issues in my heart...all the fears...the worries...I have to let them go. Doesn't mean I won't still think on them...or FEEL THEM, cause I will.....I will still cry over the concern I have about Braylynn and his health...I can't smile all the time...pretending to be happy for the sake of others who don't want to or don't know how to handle the depths of a woman's heart.
I will still be concerned and saddened about my oldest daughter silently waiting and hoping for a marriage and a wedding...when she has laid her heart out freely to him...and he took it...and everything else she has offered...and has not respected the desires of her heart....when I think of that situation I find myself realizing that men have such power and control over the desires of a woman's heart...they really do. We grow up desiring love and marriage and we throw our hearts out in hope of receiving the love and marriage...only to have those desires treaded heavily upon by a man's contempt. It makes me believe that a man should ask permission to have a woman's heart...and that she should guard her heart ferociously until he does ask. I didn't know when raising Alison, that I should have taught her to guard her heart...and now I watch her sit in silence...hoping for someday!! Yes she makes that choice...but he has all the power to give or destroy her heart's desire...so she waits...hoping.
I am learning this late in life...but now that I know...I am passing this on to Linds. I have never been good at guarding my heart...a lesson slowly learned I guess. Even now...today...I give it out so quickly...but at least now I see that I should be more careful...and I am reeling in my heart and building the fortess to protect it until a man asks for my heart...when that happens...gladly and freely I will give it...It is my hope to help my Linds to be more careful with her heart for she has a deep heart like mine.
God created us with hearts and emotions...and mine are just deep. But that doesn't make me too much to deal with. It just means I am true to who God created me to be...and He doesn't create crap! But it also means that I can not hold onto harmful things like fear, jealousy and anger.
I am encouraged by the reminder of His...my God's promises...He is always faithful. He is always good...even when life is hard...God is always good!!!
So I don't know how things will play out. But I know who I can trust. It is scary to be in the unknown. But I am not alone. I am hopeful for Braylynn and Matthew and Alison and Lindsey. I am hopeful for Sharon who is battling cancer and having a bone marrow transplant. I am hopeful for my friends. Being hopeful for those I love is easy. Being hopeful for me...that is harder. But God is faithful.
I am not an easy person. I live passionately and through my heart. It gets me into trouble. But I am happy I have a heart. This past week has shown me my flaws...and they are many...but God is showing me how to overcome them...and let go of them...and to be better.
I have been a mother for 25 years...and so I have 25 years of deeply loving my kids. They are precious to me...and I am learning every day more and more about being a mother. Even when there is struggle and pain. I am grateful to be a mom.
I am very grateful for being a 45 year old woman...every mountain and valley has been worth it...I love who I am...and am trying every day to be better and not hurt those around me. I am even learning to have patience with myself. Amazing isn't it!
I am learning something new as well. I am learning that I have no clue how to date anyone. This is completely new country for me. I am hopeful. I am willing. I am praying for patience...patience for myself. I am praying for forgiveness when I mess up. I am praying for my heart...in the hopes that someday....it will be sought after and asked for...and that I will freely give it!
So now I am feeling the fear...the weight starting to disappear within my heart. I have no final answers....but I have reassurance that God is faithful.
Thank you Lord for reminding me of Your promises....You are good all the time!!!
Love you all
Lorrie

Touched by another's words

Occasionally I post messages written by other bloggers and today I chose to post this one by Jennifer Silvera. I was especially touched by the words in her final paragraph and her last sentence. It really pulled on my heartstrings. You see...I have a deep heart. I always have. So this message resonated deeply within my heart. It made me question if I was making sure that others knew I cared for them or that they were loved. It also made me admit that I to desire to be cared for and loved. I know I am loved by many...that is evident. It is my hope and prayer that those in my life can confidently say that I care for them and love them. As I read the last paragraph and sentence a few times today...I felt the tears stinging my eyes...all of us are the same...it is really very simple...we all desire to be loved and to love. A very simple but important message.
God bless and much love!
Lorrie
Jennifer's message is listed below....






The Love of Christmas
I was hiding in a bathroom stall when suddenly I found myself eavesdropping on an innocent conversation. I had signed up to help translate for Toys for Tots during the Salvation Army’s distribution night where the parents come to choose one gift for their child. For many this will be the only gift they receive for Christmas.

Before my shift started I ran to the bathroom. That’s when I heard a little girl talking to her mom. I guessed she was seven. I couldn't see her but envisioned dark ringlets framing her face. Maybe she had her ears pierced. Maybe her favorite color was purple.

“Mama, what’s in that big red bag?” said the young voice.

“A surprise,” came the reply.

“Mama, please can I look in the bag?” “No,” the mom repeated, “It’s a surprise.”

“Mama,” the little girl paused and then asked, “Can I help wrap what’s in the bag when we get home?”

Tears hit my eyes, hot and fierce. My own daughter calls me mama. My own kids would ask these questions adding a few more.

That's when I sensed we are all the same. We are all the same. We all own varying levels of curiosity and questions and anticipation. We all hope for a pleasant surprise in life. We all desire to care about something and for someone who will care about us.

We all desire to love and to be loved.

My Favorite Things

One of my favorite movies of all time is The Sound of Music. I remember seeing it in the theatre when it came out. Love love love the movie. Every now and then when I need a pick me up or just a "feel good" moment...I put this movie in and watch it. Of course I sing all the songs too...duh...singer here!!! :) Anyway...I was putting movies away the other night and saw the movie...and started thinking about the song Favorite Things...about that time a commercial was on for some expensive toy that parents HAVE to buy their kids for Christmas. It bothered me. Later on I was talking to someone on the phone and we talked about the commercialism of Christmas and how that isn't what it is all about. Christmas has become all glitz and glam...and the simple and beautiful moments of Christmas get lost in all the pursuit for the perfect tree, the perfect gift, the perfect decor...ect....
Not me....I go for the Charlie Brown tree...our current Christmas tree is a little off center (like me! hehehe). While everyone is looking to get that perfectly shaped Christmas tree...I go for the tree that may be crooked or lop sided....because it is a tree that no one else would want...you should see how beautiful my tree is in my living room right now. We haven't even put the lights or decorations on yet...but there it is...simple and beautiful...and the fragrance is wonderful. I sat last night on the couch just looking at it and smiled.
I love my simple moments....my favorite things. So today I thought I would make a list of the simple things ...the favorite things in my life. Many of these things you can't buy, bottle or wrap.

A bubble bath with lots of bubbles and candles illuminating the bathroom...music playing softly.
Deep red roses
Purple tulips
Listening to my kitty purring as I fall asleep or wake up.
Puppy dog kisses
Hugging the neck of a horse...love their smell.
The smell of rain
Fresh snow covering the pine trees
Making snow angels!
A big mug of hot chocolate with whip cream topping
Snuggling up under a blanket
Kisses and hugs
Dark chocolate
Red wine
Satin nighties
fuzzy slippers
Listening to the water lap along side a boat or the beach
Feeling the sun's warmth on my body
Music
Walking barefoot on the beach
Holding hands
Falling asleep listening to the rain
Candles and candlelight
Cooking and baking..especially for someone else!
Dark roast coffee
Fruit teas
Fleece wobbies (blankets)
Sparkling jewelry
Laughing
Sleeping late
The words I Love You
Listening to the wind in the trees
Watching others open the gifts I have given them
Falling in love
Holding someone when they cry


As you may notice...most of my favorite things you can not buy. Do you know what your favorite things are...have you had the time to think on them or even enjoy them lately??? Why not? What are you waiting for? What if you made your list of favorite things...and tried to do or enjoy one of them every day....I wonder what our lives would be like if we did this.
Try it...you never know ....
Love you all
Lorrie

Compliments...if you think them, say them...and really mean them!

Hey ya'll....how is it going??? Well, I woke this morning to a blog hanging out in my head. So I am finally sitting down to write it. It is about compliments, the importance of them, the power of compliments, and also about not keeping them to yourselves...because no one can read minds...and about really meaning what you say.

The last few months, a few of my friends and I have actually had several conversations about the power of words...about certain key words used as compliments that WOMEN hate...and about how important it is for us to hear them...

Funny how some of us who have had past relationships and/or marriages all say the same thing....the men just never understood how important it is to us as women to hear the compliments...ESPECIALLY when we have really put effort into how we look and what we are wearing. I can't tell you how many times I would get all dressed up for an occasion...and present myself (twirling and swaying) to my husband...only to have him either just nod and say..."okay let's go" or shrug and say...you look nice...or you look fine. Talk about deflating a woman and making her feel like she is nothing. Whenever I would say something about how that makes me feel I would here the words..."well you should know that I think you look nice...I am hear aren't I"...wow...that really helped...Not!! Or...what about when they don't say anything....and when you mention to them...they tell you..."well I thought about telling you...but then it slipped my mind." You tell a woman that...and she will IMMEDIATELY believe that SHE slips your mind. I am telling ya....for sure she will....and that isn't a good thing...not at all. We women want to know AND be told we are thought of...that we are beautiful..or talented...or important....we have learned the hard way...NEVER TO ASSUME these things.

So for me...the words..."You look nice..."or "You look fine" will never impress me...never make me believe that I really am beautiful or important to anyone...

For others it is the words..."Yea...you look good."

And some never heard any words...just silence and starring eyes.

So ....how important are compliments? Well just like any other words...they can be very powerful both postively and negatively. I am one of those people who believes that if you are thinking the compliment...tell the person...because they may just NEED to hear it that day.

Be real about what you are saying too...compliments that are false really hurt too...so be real and truthful.

I know for me...that have been many times I have missed an opportunity to say a compliment...and found out later...that by not speaking it...I hurt someone. That is a horrible place to be. And let me be real about us women....if we are getting all dressed up...doing the whole hair...makeup...clothes thing....and you don't say something to us...you will hear about it later...and by then we have stewed about it and the erruption will last far longer than the time it would have taken to just give the compliment. I am just being honest here...we women are like that....wish it wasn't so...but it is.

So in talking to my girlfriends over the last few weeks about this....something else kept coming up...how the men in our lives...past and present....either minimized the compliments we gave them...or they would immediately think we women were wanting something. For us...we feel like we are in a no win situation sometimes. So often we are so grateful and appreciative of the men in our lives and the things they do for us...that we shower them with praise and compliments...only to have them shoved back at us...cause men feel awkward about the compliments. I have heard this over and over from many of my married friends....and from my friends that are dating as well. So my question is this then...if we women are suppose to let the men in our lives be our hero and rescuer....why are our compliments rejected by them then???

And what can we do to change this????

Here is a scenario to think about....
The woman spends time creating a "WOW" factor for her man....she steps out into his presence...feeling beautiful and sexy....she does the twirl...big smile on her face....and he stands there...slowly her smile fades...and she says..."well???" and he says..."well what?" Now the smile brightens...cause she is thinking she will hear the words she is desiring to hear...that she excites him and is wanted...and so she says..."well...how do I look?' and he says..."fine. Let's go." The smile drops faster than raindrops....and she is wounded....and can't help but wonder what is wrong with her...
and yet...statistics and men themselves say they think about sex about every 7 seconds...so maybe that isn't quite true...maybe not that much...but really...men think about sex a lot....so here we have the man thinks about sex a lot...and yet he just missed the best opportunity to tell the woman he loves and wants to have sex with...that she is hot...and makes him hot...and he can't wait to have sex with her later...cause actually men...women do want to hear that....and then later he wonders why she isn't in the mood.
Can I just say...this was my life and so many other womens stories....
Men...if you want to have sex with her...you have to give her the compliments!!!!! At least that is what the women I have talked to about this say....funny how is it would be to make this happen...just give the compliments...and watch the woman transform before your eyes into a desirable woman...who would do anything for her man....
Kinda think that is the way it is suppose to be...wouldn't it be great if more women and men did this????
Maybe we should all practice it a little more!
Lorrie

Alone...or Lonely..are they the same???

I logged on to my email this morning and read a devotional I receive from Proverbs 31.org and found a topic very familiar to my heart. The subject of the devotional was about loneliness. Wow...have I battled the fear of being alone and being lonely. But I learned over the last year that there is a difference between the two. One of my biggest fears for the last 8 years is that I would end up alone..once all my children were grown and living on their own. So often in our society, people judge others worth by whether they are married or not. Often times looking at the single as if not one wanted them...as if they were lacking in some way. In reality...that is our own interpretation...and not that of others. During the last 8 years I have always associated being alone with being lonely. But there really is a difference.
I have been divorced going on 9 years....Feb. 20 2009 will be 9 years. And during that time I have had a few relationships...all were instrumental in bringing me into a place of healing. Not a one of them ended with a marriage..and fortunately one ended before any harm came to myself or my daughter...all brought heartache...and out of all of them I grew and have healed from the many hurts I have endured in life. For that I am grateful! But like I said before, I have battled the fear of being alone and always thought of is as the same as being lonely. Yet when I look back at my marriage...I can say I know what loneliness is. I was married...but not viewed as worthy nor supported or encouraged in anything that I enjoyed. As long as I did the things my husband enjoyed...then there was companionship...but when it came to anything of interest to myself...I was alone...and thus I became lonely in my marriage. This can happen sometimes when two people just lose track of what is important in a marriage...the value of each other. I was the giver...the cheerleader..the encourager...the helper...the nurturer....and he was the receiver. After the last round of counseling it became evident that he didn't have a clue...after 16 years of marriage...what needs or desires I had. And he was angry that I was no longer his cheerleader! That kind of relationship become one of loneliness and isolation....abuse survives and even thrives in this type of relationship. So I chose to be alone...and live...instead of lonely and continue to die.
It has been a long and winding road for sure! But God opened every door I needed when I needed it...to help me back to the land of living and not just surviving...but thriving!!! And I am thankful! I have been raising Lindsey by myself for the past 6 years here in Minnesota. Let me just say...I know about trials and tears!
It has taken me until about the last year to figure out that being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely! Yes...let me say that again...being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. The growth and healing I have had in the last year especially, has made it very clear to me that I am okay being alone. I love who I am. I have had to step out there...become transparent and vulnerable in the making of friends and developing relationships. Not all attempts have been successful nor have they all been lasting either. I have learned that my friends and family can not be everything to me 100 % of the time...but that it doesn't mean that I have been rejected...it just means they have a life to live as well and I have to be respectful of their lives.
This past year, I have grown to cherish my times alone...doing some of the things I always wanted to do...spending the time totally devoted to being a mom...a woman and a Christian. So I can say now that I no longer fear being alone. I have learned to embrace the person I am...and I no longer fear who Lorrie is. But honestly...it has taken lots of time...lots of healing...lots of overcoming...and lots of standing on the promises of my Lord and Savior!!!! And I have come to realize...that I AM NOT ALONE!!!
Now...what about lonely???? That is an awful feeling. I know how it feels to be lonely in a crowd of people...in a marriage and also as a single woman. When those feelings of loneliness have come upon me....it has clouded my vision of being alone...and I have ended up linking the two of them together...as meaning one in the same. But let me be very clear....they are NOT one in the same.
So how do we address being lonely? How do we survive the moments of loneliness that can seem to steal whatever joy you have been enjoying in your life? How do we overcome loneliness. How do we deal with the emotions that accompany loneliness?
First of all let me be very clear....God made us with emotions and feelings. Telling someone what they "SHOULD OR SHOULD NOT FEEL" is absolutely unacceptable. You are in fact telling them that the feelings and emotions they are experiencing are not of value...you are demeaning them! Often times as Christians ...we want to put a quick fix on someone's hurts and so we say things to them...probably not ever intending to cause more harm...but in fact it causes more injury...and many times the person suffering pulls back and becomes more isolated....thus increasing the feelings of loneliness. The power of words is really incredible...words can destroy and words can heal...what are your words doing??? And what are the words you are speaking to yourself doing???
I can't tell you not to be lonely...I can't tell you how not to be lonely...but I can encourage you to bring that loneliness to God. No matter how many times you have to bring it to Him. Sure, sometimes we "feel" like God isn't listening...that He doesn't hear you and that He definately doesn't want to help you. Yep...I have felt that many times. But let me say this...I kept bringing before Him...much like a record with a skip in it...repeating over and over and over...my fear of being alone...and I had many moments of wondering if God was really trying to say to me "Yes Lorrie...you deserve to be alone..and I am not going to hear your prayers about this anymore." But honestly..those where the lies I was telling myself. No one...and I mean NO ONE likes it when God says No...or not now...or wait!!! None of us jumps up and down all happy, shouting Wooo Hooo when God says no...or wait!!! But it does help to develop in us character, patience, endurance...and faith.
I can't be your quick fix on loneliness. But I can tell you that when moments of loneliness fall upon me...I continue to take those feelings and emotions...and bring them to my God. I know how faithful He has been in every other area of my life...those are other blogs for another day....so I know that I know that I know....God is faithful and will hear me...and see me...and He loves me....even when I am suffering in loneliness.
Let me share one more thing with you. I have really refrained from writing much in my blogs lately about my personal life...a.k.a....dating life. Many of you do know I have been dating a gentleman for about a month...and I really like him. Let me just say a little thing about this for a minute. Neither one of us where really looking for this to happen for us. We both had become pretty adjusted to being single....and yes...had times of loneliness...but being okay with where God had us in our lives....but although I was adjusted to this...my prayers still contained the request for God to let me be a wife again to someone...let me say that again...I would ask God to change me and make me into a woman who would be a loving and respectful wife...I stopped asking God for a husband over a year ago...I realized about a year ago...I wanted God to create in me the heart of a wife. Do you all have any idea how long I have prayed to be married??? Since the day of my divorce! Almost 9 years. That is a long time. But through that time, God changed and healed me. Now...don't jump to conclusions....we are not getting married any time soon....but we are both on the same page about wanting a future...and are hoping for one together. Awesome!!!! What I am finding is that I am finally just enjoying the journey...and don't feel like I have to race to the marriage...cause the prize is really the journey!!!! And I am definately loving the journey...and loving getting to know this true gentleman. Neither of us are perfect...both of us have a past....both of us have had tragedy in life...and both have experienced great joys as well!!! And for reasons only known to God...right in the middle of us both feeling okay with being single, God opened a door and put us both in that room together...and for some reason...we both decided to take the chance...become vulnerable...and let God show us what He has in store for us. I don't know the ending of this story...but I do know that I really like being in this story. That is all I am going to say about him. I don't ever want to us this blog to discuss the intimate details of my relationship with him....that would be very inappropriate and disprespectful...especially when we may be going through struggles....but I will interject my private life at times as how it pertains to my heart...and what God has, is and will do.
The devotional listed below is meant as an encouragement....many of us have moments of loneliness...questioning if even God loves us or wants us...let me share this with you...let me share God's promises with you...no matter what your situation is right now.
I share it out of love and hope for you....and for me.
Love you
Lorrie

December 11, 2008

Does God Really Care about Me?
Lysa TerKeurst

“Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint;
lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe.
I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.”
Psalm 61:1-4 (NIV)

Devotion:
Do you ever feel lonely? Recently, I was at an event full of people. Everyone else seemed gabby and like they were effortlessly making easy connections with others. I just felt out of sorts. Someone had said something to me earlier that day that hurt my feelings and knocked me off kilter. It was one of those, “I would really like to be at home alone, in a bubble bath, eating something chocolate” kind of nights. But I had to go to this outing, so here I was – feeling lonely.

My shifting emotions caused me to get in such a down state, I even started wondering if God cared about me.
I politely smiled my way through the evening, and finally got to go home. As I crawled into bed that night, I asked Jesus, “Why am I letting some thoughtless comment made by someone affect me like this?” There was no deep explanation. There was no Bible verse that instantly popped into my head. There was no sudden rush of peace through my heart. Only a very gentle reminder in the depths of my soul that Jesus loves me - insecurities and all. Jesus loves me, that simple little song I learned all those years ago. Very simple, yet so powerfully profound, that one statement grounds me in the truth of who God says I am. Friends can’t make you feel accepted all the time. Accomplishments will never truly make you feel secure. Having lots of people around you does not mean you won’t ever feel lonely. And chocolate, while it is deliciously distracting, is just a little too temporary. So, I turn to the One who is Everlasting, Prince of Peace, Emmanuel - God with us. I draw close to Him so He can help me separate solid truth from shifting emotion.

See if you can identify with any of the shifting emotions listed below. Then, rejoice as you read God’s solid truths upon which we can find a firm place to stand and a sure place to park our feelings.

Shifting Emotion:
I don’t always feel noticed by other people. Everyone just seems to be wrapped up in their own lives. Sometimes I even wonder if God notices me.

Solid Truth:
God not only notices us, He is with us at all times. We are to keep ourselves in God’s love whether we feel Him or not. By praying, and filling our minds with God’s truth, His love will grow in us and through us. Then we won’t be so consumed with wanting others to notice us. We will become people who notice others and let God’s love shine on them. Jude 1:20-21, “But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life.” (NIV)

Shifting Emotion:
I don’t feel very loved. Therefore, I don’t feel like being very loving towards others.

Solid Truth:
We are dearly loved by God. His love enables us to display compassion, kindness and patience even when we don’t feel like it. Colossians 3:12, “Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” (NIV)Shifting Emotion:
Does God really care about this situation I’m in?

Solid Truth:
God is with us. As we cry out to Him, we are reminded of His help. Proverbs 61:1-4, “Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. For you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the foe. I long to dwell in your tent forever and take refuge in the shelter of your wings.” (NIV)

Dear Lord, Help me rid my mind and heart of the doubts shifting emotions cause, and be filled with only Your solid truths. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related Resources:

Visit Lysa TerKeurst’s blog to enter to win a resource package

Jesus Calling: Enjoying Peace in His Presence by Sarah Young

What Happens When Women Walk in Faith by Lysa TerKeurst

Application Steps:
Print these solid truths off and carry them with you. When shifting emotions start to tug at your heart, be reminded of God’s truths that can turn around any situation.

Reflections:
What are some other verses that might specifically apply to areas of struggle for you right now?

How might it help to keep these verses close at hand and reflect on them often?

Power Verses:
Matthew 7:24-25, “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.” (NIV)


© 2008 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.

Proverbs 31 Ministries
616-G, Matthews-Mint Hill Road
Matthews, NC 28105
www.proverbs31.org

Words from songs

Hey all, most of you know that I am a music nut. Yep, love music...and many different kinds of music. Sure I listen to lots of Christian music, and I usually sing that the most, but I do listen to a lot of other kinds of music. I wanted to write about some of the songs I have listened to lately...because the words hit me right in the heart.
A few weeks ago, Amanda and I were talking about music...yeah...shocker...hahaha...and she mentioned Nickleback's new hit...Gotta be Somebody...and so we listened to it. The thing that struck us the most....a man was singing this. Here we were, two single women...dreaming of having a man in our lives who would love us, and not leave us.....and we are listening to a man sing a song about hoping that there was somebody out there...so you wonder why we were soooo surprised? Because it has been our experience that a man would never admit he was lonely, or wanted to love someone. The men we know would laugh or scoff at love. They would demean it or belittle love or anyone who dreams of loving someone. Yep...that is true...the majority of men we know are like that. As we were sitting there in the ambulance listening to the very sexy voice of Nickleback ( I just happened to love the gravely sound of their voices...wow!)..we couldn't help but be amazed that this band sang a song about looking and hoping for someone. Sure...many singers have...but it was something about this very male sound singing those words that blew us away. Thus it started a discussion about whether men ever really think about being with someone...loving someone...finding someone they would give their all for...and unfortunately....that list was pathetically short. And I mean...short!
Well, that song has really stuck with me...and I bought the CD last weekend...and after I got home from Sioux Falls for Thanksgiving, I sat in my bedroom and listened to the CD. I will be the first person to shout that I am a romantic. I will be the first person to say that I put my heart and soul into things with great passion. I will be the first one to say that when I love, I love deeply and passionately. I will be the first person to say....I laugh at sappy chick flilcks that have the "sigh" happily ever after ending....gag! I believe that great love is fought hard for...with deep passion and fire. As I was listening to this CD...I found myself wondering why men don't go for the woman or love with a fire in their hearts. Now don't start wondering if my dating life has taken a turn for the worse...it hasn't...and I am not going to fill this blog up with man bashing statements. I just want to voice these questions..."Why don't men fight for women?" Why do men hate women? Why do men make fun of love? What happened to them that they don't see a woman worth fighting to the ends of the earth for?
So many of my girlfriends have suffered at the hands or words of men in their lives who seek to destroy them and kill love...instead of seeking to fight to their last breath for the woman they love. It makes me really sad...and it makes it hard for me as a dating woman to believe that my hearts desire could really come true. Today it seems that men scoff at a woman who has any depth or passion within her....because they look at her as too much to deal with...and they don't want to ever have to fight to defend or protect her....they want the 18 or 21 year old barbie who has no depth, no character or passion....because then they won't have to worry about any expectations from her. Men look at women like me as someone "too hard to control or deal with" because I live from my heart...I have character and depth, as do my friends. So over the years, many of us have started to lose hope that there really is anything of character or depth in a man's heart. We have experienced the treachery of their words...in an effort to dominate us and destroy us...they do not hold us women in any high regard at all...and you can hear that in their nasty words about women. Women have become a subject of scorn...and when men talk about women and women's hopes or dreams of getting married...it is with distain or contempt...putting down those hopes...laughing at them or calling them names for ever wanting to be married...as if we women are repulsive and not worth a marriage...only worth the sex. I can't tell you how many times I have heard these words from the mouths of men themselves...and from the hearts of women who have been so hurt by those words. So as women we try to give men everything they want...in the hopes of maybe getting a little morsel of happiness for ourselves...and when we ask for something for us....we are put down or judged. It is a wonder that any woman grows up wanting to fall in love and get married. So I have wondered how we as women can change this. I am not going to lay all of the blame at the feet of men. And I am very much aware that there are men who have depth of character...who do love and love deeply and treat their wives with absolute love and respect...willing to give their all to protect the women they love....I have met some of those men...so I know they are out there. So it is not my intent to use this blog to trash men. Just to ask the questions...the questions that most women carry in their hearts and are terrified of very voicing...."Will I ever be loved? Will a man ever accept my love? Will I be thrown away if I give from the depths of my heart? And this one..."don't men desire and seek love too?" Those are the questions...and I am sure there are many more. I pray at night for God to restore to the heart of men and women a respect for each other and for love to become something of value again for both men and women. I long for the day when I don't hear the words from a man..."All a woman wants is to get married."..and it is said with disgust. I long for the day when the man says..."I would marry my wife over every day of my life!" Wouldn't that be awesome!!
I know there are some women who are truly man haters and they distrust every man they meet...and that makes me sad...for them and for the men...how horrible for the men to receive hate over and over from women! But I do believe that there are women out there who still have the longing deep within them to love....not just be loved....but to LOVE someone...to be THEIR joy..to give to SOMEONE and not just take....that is me....I haven't been praying for years..."God bring me a husband...it is about me giving...not taking...I have been praying God show me how to be a wife and let me be a wife to someone someday....and I believe that there are many women who want the same thing. If only we could make men trust us with their hearts...if only we could show them we will not seek to destroy a man's heart...but to treat it as a precious treasure...and something to fight for and something to defend. It is what we as women hope for as well.
Call me a romantic. Call me hopeless. Call me silly. But I still love the real stories of love...the ones that were truly fought for....
Here is a song off the CD by Nickleback that is an example of fighting for love....
I'd Come For You
Just one more moment
That's all that's needed
LIke wounded soldiers
In need of healing
Time to be honest
This time I'm pleading
Please don't dwell on it
Cause I didn't mean it

I can't believe I said
I'd lay our love on the ground
But it doesn't matter 'cause
I make it up forgive me now
And everyday I spend away
My soul's inside out
Gotta be some way
That I can make it up
By now you know that

(chorus)
I'd come for you
No one but you
Yes I'd come for you
but only if you told me to
I'd fight for you
I'd lie it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'll always come for you

I was blindfolded
But now I'm seeing
My mind was closing
Now I'm believing

I finally know just what it means
To let someone in
To see the side of me
That no one does or ever will
So if you're ever lost and
Find yourself all alone
I'd search forever
Just to bring you home
Here and now
This I vow
By now you know that

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember
You know I'll always come for you

NO matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what remember
You know I'll always come for you

I'd crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember

You know I'll always come for you
You know I'll always come for you.

wow...huh!? I just want to suggest to you that this song could be the song in the heart of any woman or man...why not???? Wouldn't it be something if more men and women sang this to each other...isn't this possibly what God intended for love between a man and woman to be like?
Just my thoughts! You see I still have hope that it will be this way for me someday....and I intend to fight for it......I do have much to give....I want to give....I am hoping for each one of you as well.
Love you
Lorrie