I know that many of you receive my blog by email and so many have expressed the desire for more messages. I am deeply touched by your desire to read and listen to anything I have to say. I am just a woman who has some incredible friends whom I trust and rely on for love and support. Many of my friends also write blogs, and I am often truly blessed by what they write as well. Sometimes what I write here is in relation to something they themselves have written about. I truly believe that it is God at work. It isn't a coincidence when you read some of your friends writings, devotions that I subscribe to and my daily readings in scripture and the subject is all connected together with each other. I see that as God speaking in a big way into the hearts of all of us. Today I was reading the blogs of my friends and found such a moment.
Many of my messages (before I went to this blog format) were born out of the scriptures and books that God was placing before me. My ability to surrender to God completely and trust in Him came out of many moments where His presence in my life was my only life line. Once that came about, He poured His love into me by reminding me through His word and the books I was reading. The list of books is long...but so cherished....Books like:
Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge
Wild at Heart by John Eldredge (about discovering the secret of a man's soul)
The Heartache No One Sees by Sheila Walsh (this book was the turning point in my life to becoming a beautiful woman again.)
Do You Think I Am Beautiful by Angela Thomas...( a single mom of 4 kids struggling to trust God in all things including who she is as a woman.)
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman (what an eye opener into how I love and recognizing who others love)
When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas (encouraging me to continue in holding onto hope of some day finding love through the intimate relationship with God.)
The Beautiful Ache by Leigh McLeroy ( showing me where God is when dreams don't come true.)
Your Scars are Beautiful to God by Sharon Jaynes ( reminding me of how precious I am to God and to embrace my scars along the journey of life and to move forward with hope in my heart.)
Recently I just finished reading :
The 5 Languages of Apology by Gary Chapman
Boundaries Face to Face by Dr. John Townsend (how to have that difficult conversation you've been avoiding)
And of course then there are the scriptures God gave me to share.
Well, today God showed me a reminder of His love, and examples of how to love. I guess Love is the word of the day...now I am not just mentioning Love in the context of romantic love...I am talking about all loves.
When I was getting ready to travel to Ukraine, the three of us woman who were going put out heads together and decided to put on a women's conference with the women of the church in our village. We wanted to bless and encourage them. The three of us settle on three topics. Karen spoke on Faith. Mavis spoke on Hope. Which left Love for me to speak on. I was overwhelmed at this assignment from God. I had struggled my whole life with that word. Truly believing most of my life that I was unloveable. But God is bigger...and in the last 5 years He restored my faith not only in Him but in love. So here was my opportunity to share this with women thousands of miles from my little life here in Forest Lake. The scriptures God placed on my heart were as follows:
Jeremiah 31:3...The Lord appeared to us from afar saying,
I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with everlasting kindness."
Isaiah 54: 10
Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed,
yet only my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace by removed
says the Lord who has compassion on you.
Zephaniah 3:17
The Lord your God is with you
He is mighty to save
He will take great delight in you
He will quiet you with His love
He will rejoice over you with song.
I thought I was going there to share with these women about love and walking in love...but what God did was show me that love can cross language, culture and distance. At the end of my little message, I was overcome with emotion at how much I loved these women...many of them elderly...and I placed my hand over my heart and then drew it out to them and shouted "I LOVE YOU!!" And these women instantly did the same back to me. I was touched and will never be the same ever. Every time I saw any of these women, regardless of where we were...they would hug me and shout..."I love you!" I left some of my heart in Ukraine several days later when we left to return home. I have struggled with that experience since I have been home. Most of the time I can't even get words out before I crumble into tears. And yes...the tears are present now. But my heart and soul is warm. So today as I read Amanda's blog and Jennifer's journal...I was compelled to share some of my experiences on love as well. Both of these women are special in my life. Amanda is my best girlfriend and Jennifer's life was altered and devastated the day a criminal decided to run her husband (Officer Shawn Silvera) down and kill him. Shawn was one of the officers in our service area and I had the priviledge to interact with him on many occasions. Both of these women's stories are filled with great and deep heartache and devastation...and in the midst of this...they gripped tight the hand of our Lord and although they question life at times...they continue to hold on to Him. I am blessed that I have them in my life. Unfortunately it was at a great price that Jennifer was brought into my life. I have spoken with her a few times...but I read her continually. She wears life on her skin. As does Amanda...as I do as well. I life to think of it as being transparent in this life...truly be real.
If you look on my blog you will find Amanda's blog...it is the one in Italian. And Jennifer's is there as well. But I decided to include a writing of Jennifer's for you all...and for me. It is listed below.
It is with absolute trust in my Lord that I shout today..."I LOVE YOU!" to each of you!
Lorrie Michelle Durbin
Live the Questions Now
“I beg you to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves...Don't search for the answers, which could not be given to you now...the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now.” —Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926), excerpt from Letters to a Young Poet
Okay…it’s not often that I will ever tell my readers what they must do. But, please if you are reading my blog today…please print the quote above and tape it somewhere for at least a week. Read it over and over until you are convinced.
Doesn’t this fit us all? Don’t we all walk around this world with some type of unresolved question or hurt inside of us?
Don’t search for the answers. What breathing space this gives us.
Love the questions themselves. What strength this gives us.
Live the questions now. What permission this gives us.
Live everything. What life this gives us!
Isn't that awesome!! Love, Lorrie
Jezi Pou Ayiti (Jesus for Haiti)
8 years ago
2 comments:
I have had that quote by Rilke on my fridge for 2 or 2 1/2 years now. It spoke so much to me as I was anticipating a divorce and all the changes that would bring. Sometimes we have to just SIT in the questions and the mess we've made until it makes sense in hindsight. I'm so glad we have each other to bounce wisdoms off of!
yes I believe we do have to sit in the questions sometimes. How did I not ever see that qoute before? weird...anyway...yes I am so glad we have each other as well. Girl...not to add another book or two to your list...but I would like to suggest you consider reading two books...one you have heard me talk about often...The Greatest Generation by Tom Brokaw....and then Fight LIke A Girl by Lisa Bevere....they totally fit in the mix of Wild at Heart and Captivating....and Fight like a Girl is NOT a feminist book...it is a book about being a woman wonderfully made by God and how to be a woman who is made to FIT with a man and not take him over. Awesome book lady....some days I wonder why I wasn't born in the days of Knights and Ladies...sigh! :)
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